PRINTSCREEN: PUTUKAN SA BAGONG TAON!


This should have been posted in the new year but I said to myself…

No.

Enjoy.

























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PRINTSCREEN: CHEAP PLUG

Observe the following statements.

Then absorb this and use it in your everyday lives.


This is a stupid post.

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VITAMIN SYD: WITH EXTRA SYD

This was made a couple of months back. Someone asked me if I can play as a guy on the back.

Sooooo…

Check out the guy on the back.

Diba ang gwapo nung guy at the back?

video

video

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THE SYDMAN X-MAS SHOW 2008

Here’s a break to all the mudslinging.

Last December 12, GMA held its annual Christmas Party at the Amoranto Stadium. Yes, 10,000 raffle hopefuls stormed the place and ransacked Pantranco’s House of Sports by littering the grounds by cigarette butts, beer cans, and yes… my oozing sex appeal.

Yes, I said it… my oozing sex appeal.

In the department competition, my unit posted third out of nine hopefuls in our annual best of the best duel. Since my entry in their fold, we have yet to win so this is somewhat of an “achievement”.

And this is a step up from the seriously creepy character I introduced two years back when they starred me as Michael V in the “Hindi Ako Bakla” MTV.

That was like… eww…

The only problem I had is that they made me too fruity so I would register great in front of a camera. I looked too fruity!

You can’t hear me rap, because I could only get the pics… so just think of me rapping to this.

Ang sabi ng iba masarap ang mane.
Ang sabi ko naman depende sa mane.

May mane-manehan, may tunay na mane.

Pero ang tunay na mane, babad sa weeweh!

And yeah, here’s a pic with my favorite stalker/groupie.

Break it down, Yo!

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THE LIVING TREE RETURNS




The guy has been staying in an unexplored land for so long that he almost encountered technophobia. He has practiced vine-traveling and he has replaced his love for guitars for tummy-thumping. Since returning to un-civilization:

1) He has yet to use silverware.
2) He learned to not use shoes.
3) He learned to clothe his self with soil.
4) He found that tree stalk tastes better than processed food.

So… his ability to properly type seriously escapes me.

Jorge: Retard!

The Sydman: Bitch! You're here!!?!

Jorge: Dude that is so gay… so F’N gay. I miss you too.

The Sydman: I don't care!

Jorge: Awww. Come here and give me a big hug! And don't mind the boner.


He is so big in words. Back in his oafish terrain, the only way people communicate is by sniffing someone else’s ass.

Jorge: Kausap ko kanina si Mark.

The Sydman: Ano sabi?

Jorge: Wag na. Baka tigasan ka din.


Jorge probably told Mark how he punctured his balls with a stick to make it as if he was menstruating.

The Sydman: So ano, how is life without civilization?

Jorge: Tangina, bakit ba yan lagi hirit! Sibilisado na kami noh! Matagal na kaming naka-bidet pag naglilinis ng pwet! Oh syet… it is the greatest invention known to man! Bye bye toilet paper… and hello soft buttocks!


Remember that “Red Guy” from Cow and Chicken? Picture that with ultra white skin and hair everywhere.

Now, go to sleep without thinking about that!

The Sydman: Basta sabi mo maniniwala ako.

Jorge: Grrr… ambagal ng wi-fi dito! Nagnanakaw lang ako sa wi-fi ng mga pari!

The Sydman: Ahhh… ok… pero diba dapat malakas ang signal sa taas ng bundok? Umabot na ba ang Jollibee diyan?

Jorge: Tagal na Jolibee dito noh pati Mang Donald!

The Sydman: Pero ang endorser pa rin ba niyan ay si Carmina Villaroel? At malamang may milkshake pa rin ba diyan? Damn it, you're lucky…

Jorge: Dude you're so old school! Teka lilipat ka na daw?


Here’s the thing: “that other company” is the enemy. I remember during this time, Christmas vacations were left high and dry after some of those dickheads accused us of making scams.

Almost a year later… and a bunch of cases launched due to their false accusations… let’s just say whatever nonsense they fed the public… is eating their souls.

I won’t even name that company on my site because that is advertising!

The Sydman: Don’t say shitty things! Bat naman ako lilipat doon!?!?!

Jorge: Sabi ni Geist!


Geist and Mark then flooded my monitor with this nonsense. It almost cost me my job! Damn you Jorge and your child-bearing hips!

Anyway, Mark gave a pretty cool insight on why he made such lies.

Mark Villasin: Naisip ko lang. Kaya mo ba kinakalat na lilipat na sa other network si Syd kasi wala kayong Channel 7 sa isla niyo?

Jorge Cosgayon: *gasp* Nabuking mo ako.


Anyway…

The Sydman: That's just plain wrong man. I should kick you in the nuts for saying that. Pero virtual kicking lang kasi hindi ko alam kung may overnight trip from Manila to jungle.

Jorge: Kasi diba bawal diyan ang office romance much less office nookie and office quickie? Well?

The Sydman: Dude wala ng office romance pag tatlong floors or more! Besides, in your land walang building! Bungalow na ang pinakamataas! Wala kayong tape measure diyan kaya hinlalaki lang ang gamit ninyo!!!!!

Jorge: Dude wala ng office dito kasi lahat kami telecommute! Hinlalaki lang ang damit ko in the comfort of my room! And I know you're enjoying the visual treat! Anong part kaya ng katawan ko ang tinatakpan?


Lives will forever be destroyed with this unlawful scenario.

Jorge: Atsaka dude, pano yan kung mabuking kayo? “Concerned” lang ako kasi bihira na nga mangyari sayo yan!

The Sydman: Una, hindi ko siya GF dito. We are officemates. Yun ang kasunduan ng aming relationship! But since alam na nila na “kami”, hindi na lang kami gumagawa ng mushy-creepy stuffs sa opis!

Jorge: Pucha! Pano yan? Yun na nga lang ang appeal ng office romance e! Within "Striking distance" ang cobra mo! Ay sorry, garden snake pala!

The Sydman: Ha! Funny you mentioned garden snakes kasi yan ang kinakain mo diyan sa kagubatan mo! And for the record, she's like sobrang bait so don't make fun of her!!!!

Jorge: I am not making fun of her! Alam ko na may ginamit kang “ritwal” para mabihag siya! Teka teka teka… before ang lahat, one question. And seryosong sagot ha!


I remember all the times Jorge would trap me in telling things that happened in the past. He rode in the “me having a GF” fever when it was over. He practically pigged past info that will never materialize on ever repeating and it bolts my ass to see him milking something that has seriously dried up!

Jorge: Seryoso ba to?

I had to think hard…

Jorge: Tangina ang tagal naman ng sagot! Tsk, masamang sinyales toh!

And write fast.

The Sydman: Dude six months ko siyang niligawan. Binasted niya ako sa simula pa lang at sobrang naasar ako pero bumalik ako tapos todong sinuyo ko siya! Record 6 months ang panliligaw ko! Tapos one week bago niya akong sagutin, sinabi niya sa parents niya na sinasagot na niya ako! So yeah, sobrang seryoso ako!

Was my explanation enough?

Jorge: Dude, yes or no lang naman hinihingi ko eh.

Damn it!

Jorge: So kung seryoso ka, dinala mo na ba sa tambayan?

The Sydman: Nakita na nina Geist, (name withheld upon fear of libel), Brian, Allan, Mark, and Janis pero hindi ko pa siya dinadala sa tambayan.

Jorge: Ows? Nakita na ni Allan? Hindi pa ba siya nagpapacute?


The Sydman: Sinong Allan ba ang sinasabi mo?!

Jorge: Si Ditty.

The Sydman: Akala ko Allan Canlas. Kelan pa siya naging cute??


Jorge made it sound like he had the hots for Ditty. All the moments they spent in Boracay walking hand and hand while carrying a 20-sided dice and a paper to store their hit points when they role play must have worked dividends!

Jorge: Ahhh… mahilig kasing magpa-cute sa syota yun eh. Kaya nga galit na galit si Jean dati sa kanya!

No, you’re ex was mad at Jorge because he is such a fairy.

The Sydman: By the way… how’s your chick?

Jorge: We're having fun in our little treehouse… na naka wi-fi.


He probably wasn’t kidding when he said that.

The Sydman: Na ninakaw mo sa pari? Eww. So ilang months na kayo ng chick mo?

Jorge: One year and two months. Tanong mo kung ilang months na ako dito? One year and two months… and a half.


Say what you want about this organism but chicks dig lead guitarists. Although I read somewhere that girls would rather fondle guys that strums ukuleles than rockers that plays bass.

And yeah, I made that all up.

The Sydman: At ano naman usually ang pinag-aawayan niyo?

Jorge: Kung sino ang uubos ng pizza!


Anyabang talaga ng putyaragish na ‘to.

Receiving 1 photo from Jorge...

At nagpapadala pa ng picture para makita namin ang kanyang exploits!

A problem occurred while transferring the file "Screenshot-1.jpg". The transfer has been stopped.

Jorge: Pfft! Mamaya na lang! Bagal ng wifi ng pari! Nagsi-stream pa kasi sila ng porn eh! Sayang I'm on a roll!

Luckily it was a mere insult-laden image on how he duped Mark on saying such un-insightful stuffs.

Blah!

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JORGE'S PRINTSCREEN #2

Here’s another “Word War” from Jorge and Mark.


See who wins!


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JORGE'S PRINTSCREEN # 1

In lieu of the yuletide season, I am giving some of my bandwidth to the less fortunate…

It is for the exposure of some guy’s work.

Mark is actually the less fortunate guy I was talking about.

Thanks to Jorge for sending me this annoying thread… for Mark.




Unfortunately, the jpeg Jorge sent has either a weak resolution… or it just really can’t be enlarged.

Anywho, the fun part of the printscreen is excerpted below:

Jorge: Eat me.

Mark Villasin: Already did!

Jorge: *printscreen*

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VITAMIN SYD: IN THIS CORNER

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One reason why people shouldn't make do plugs for Valentine's Day when I am single and really angst-filled.

Also, admire the copy! If you notice, there's an awkward part... which was necessary for the konyo-like diction!

Hehe!

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GEISTESKRANK


The title is German for "of an ill mind".

Just like this writer.

Anyway...

People demanded for me to write this. About 25 percent of my ardent followers (25 percent of 8 is 2) tasked me to put a column which concerns the following character you are about to comprehend now. This goes to show that yellow journalism exists in this site. With opening statements like this…

The Sydman: What’s up?
Evilbrain: Slave work.
The Sydman: Diba bading ang mga masters… este bosses mo?

… how can integrity exist?

Remember the previous blog where Via is trying to set up Geist to one of her friends?

Read on.

The Sydman: So... ayaw magsalita ni Geist.
Evilbrain: Hmmm…
The Sydman: So ikaw na lang ang i-interview-hin ko.
Evilbrain: POTA!

I can’t betray Geist’s trust because that would either give me PAIN or SEVERE PAIN. The only thing I could print here is:

Geist: Fuck! I’m not like (name withheld for fear of libel) na pino-phone pal ang katulong niyo!
The Sydman: *printscreen*

Yes, seethe on my journalistic pride.

The Sydman: Sooooo… first impression doon sa girl na nili-link kay Geist?
Evilbrain: Too much sugar in her system.


Janis treated us for drinks because it was her birthday. The culprits were her, Mark, Geist, Brain, (name withheld for fear of libel), Edson, Dulay, Hyubs, Kots, Allan, Blind, and me.

And yeah, there was another girl. The one that is linked to Geist.

The facts: She was nice but I don’t know if it was the alcohol in her system, but she seems loud… really loud. The girl looks like Tuesday Vargas and it was like open mic day in a local comedy bar.

Have I mentioned she’s really loud?

The Sydman: Scale of 1 to 10?
Evilbrain: 10996552826 to 10.
The Sydman: Dude, we are not talking about decibels... or pulse rate… and even speed of sound. Just stick to 1 to 10.
Evilbrain: For Geist... 10.
The Sydman: Is this because sinabi niyang interesante si Hyubs?

Alam niyo yung mga nurses na gumagawa ng case study about their patients? This could be what she was thinking when he first laid her eyes on Hyubs.

Evilbrain: I invoke my constitutional right against self-incrimination!
The Sydman: Damn it! All lawyers hate the media! Hindi kayo magiging lawyer kung hindi niyo pinapanood dati ang ALLY MCBEAL!!!!!


I had to say that.

Evilbrain: Hmmm… eto na lang: the first time I met "her" and I think she was still sober during that time, she scores 10 for Geist from my point of view. On the other hand last Saturday… well, you were there last Saturday so I don’t have to expound.
The Sydman: Ok... so... nung sober pa siya... paano nina Geist ginawa yung mga "moves" nila. I mean, may mga conversational skills naman yung mga gago. Why did Geist scored and the others lagged? And don't give me that bullshit na walang interested sa inyo because everything that shouts “Alpha Male” is a test of manhood!
Evilbrain: Well obviously matagal na silang magkakilala.
The Sydman: Pero pano yung mga hirit ni Geist? (name withheld for fear of libel)? Ikaw?
Evilbrain: Well (name withheld for fear of libel) played his part.
The Sydman: Malamang si (name withheld for fear of libel) nag-“barong doctrine”.

(Name withheld for fear of libel)’s barong is like his suit of armor. This makes employees of local bar joints tremble and people with mediocre occupations insecure. Whenever he wears his pink barong, no one is safe…

… This apparently bombed though when that girl showed up.

Mark Villasin: Sayang hindi ka nag-stay! Binabara niya si (name withheld for fear of libel). As in pag may hinihirit si (name withheld for fear of libel), it will be promptly shot down by the girl! Hindi ko na maalala in detail pero let’s just say hindi talaga naka-shine si (name withheld for fear of libel).
The Sydman: Siguro kasi hindi siya naka-barong?
Mark Villasin: Kumbaga nag-guest tayo sa talk show ni Jimmy Kimmel tapos si (name withheld for fear of libel) si Matt Damon!

Sarah Silverman is Jimmy Kimmel’s on and off beau. Silverman is also Matt Damon’s ex. Whenever Kimmel gets an opportunity to mock Matt Damon, he does it with gusto.

It was that bad!

Evilbrain: Ako silent with well placed side comments to get me in the conversation…
The Sydman: Like noong nagkita kayo ni Cindy, ikaw si "Mr. Side Comments Boy"!

When I first introduced Geist, Brain, and (name withheld for fear of libel) to Cindy, he was the guy that seldom talked but could deal a joke effectively.

This strategy is smart.

Initially I thought he was just plain wasted.

Evilbrain: Well Geist played his favorite part also.
The Sydman: Like the devil?
Evilbrain: Geist Played the scheming confidant you moron!
The Sydman: Which is the devil! Am I right!?!?!

Hmmm… so why am I saying Geist is the devil? For one thing, he threatened me to change his name so his relatives can’t google his identity on the internet. The other reason?

Geist: Have you heard Hyubs moan?
The Sydman: *printscreen*


This giggling emo moment was him playing Dota with our friends. It sounded like monkeys mating in the outskirts of an Africa desert. Monkeys should be offended by this statement.

The Sydman: So ano yung kicker? At bakit binibida nina Mark at Janis si Geist?
Evilbrain: Ala naman sina Janis at Mark doon.
The Sydman: WHOA!


For reasons that could sink a beautiful relationship (such as MY relationship with Cindy) this part has been edited.



To make up, for this tamper, here’s a pic:









Ito ang dahilan kung bakit ayokong maka-experience ng delubyo people know as Geist’s wrath. Para ba siyang isang magandang diwata?

Now back to the show!

Evilbrain: I neither confirm nor deny.
The Sydman: Sino naghatid pauwi?
Evilbrain: Ehem.


I am merely writing and posting this.

Evilbrain: Kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?

I am MERELY writing and posting this!

Evilbrain: BISYO NA TO!
The Sydman: TANGINA! Kaya pala medyo chummy na yung dalawa noong Sabado?
Evilbrain: I don't remember. You tell me.
The Sydman: There was some kind of air of “hotness” revolving around him...
Evilbrain: Hotness, singaw, whatever…
The Sydman: So nung hinatid niya, pano niya nadispatsa kayo?
Evilbrain: Bumalik din naman siya. Hintatid niya lang DAW sa taxi pero parang antagal niyang nawala soooooo baka nahirapan lang siyang kumuha ng taxi. Ikaw talaga, iba ini-isip mo!

Well he got me there…

The Sydman: Yan ba yung tipong walang tint yung taxi kaya pinapa-moist? O yan ba yung tipong magwi-withdraw daw pero magdi-deposit din? Tapos withdraw… then deposit… withdraw… deposit…
Evilbrain: Ehem. I neither confirm nor deny.


Law persons are freaking hard to manipulate.

Especially if you are the Gigo-lawyer.

The Sydman: O sige pero ilang beses siyang hinampas nung girl? I mean yung hampas-gigil at hampas-lamas ha.
Evilbrain: Hmmm…

Hampas gigil is that force-laden hand slap you make because you are extremely fond of your beau. Hampas lamas is that smooth rub where the hand lingers and makes a trail downward to any point of the body where the “slap” originated.

Evilbrain: Hmmm…

Brain had to think long and hard.

Evilbrain: Hmmmmm…

He REALLY had to think long and hard.

The Sydman: Hmmmm???

And I HAD to help him.

Evilbrain: Marami ako na-inum nun e. Di ko maalala…
The Sydman: PUTANG INA NAMAN BRIAN KUNG IKAW ANG WITNESS, TALO NA AGAD ANG KASO!!!!!

Law persons are too safe for dishing funny statements.

The Sydman: Ehem… sorry… nabigla ako. Think hard. Mwah.
Evilbrain: Ewwwww! Basta may malupit siyang hirit noong gabi na swak!
The Sydman: Ok... so ano yun?
Evilbrain: Syd is gay?

That’s not it.

Evilbrain: Wait… wrong conversation.

I hate Brain.

The Sydman: So does this hirit concern about how the future is “uncertain”?
Evilbrain: Errrr… walang tatalo kay (name withheld for fear of libel) diyan.
The Sydman: Sabagay, yung isang opismate namin, one time sinabi niya na nandoon si jewel sa lobby ng floor namin… e Bisaya. Binugbog namin sa lobby. Akala namin si Jewel Mische. Akalain mo bang si Jewel Torre pala yung nandoon. So ano yung hirit?
Evilbrain: Abangan ang susunod na blogpost!

I hate it when the character gives an abrupt end.

Evilbrain: DUM! DUM! DUM! DUM! DUUUMMMMM!!!!!

I seriously do especially when I am the one "writing" it.

...
...

BITIN EH!

However, suddenly somebody buzzed me and told his take on what happened on that fateful drinking spree...
...
...

Edson: GAY!
The Sydman: O anong problema mo?

...
...
...
...

Edson Ortega... the adorable mongoloid.

END.

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