OFFICE BROMANCE: CHEESY



Last Saturday I went to my office. I was going to preview a project and afterwards I planned to clear out my backlogs through working the weekend off. Yes, I learned that in order for me to maintain my slacker lifestyle, I have to work my ass off during weekends.

While planning for the day, this were the only things that parade the Yahoo Messenger.

Dulay: Di ka kasi sumasama eh! Nandoon yung syota ni Edson na pokpok na may nunal!

Edson: Pokpok mo mukhang katulong naman!

Dulay: Sa mukha parang si Ate Glo!

Edson: Teka pack lang ako ng mga gamit! Alis na ako in 30 mins.

The Sydman: Teka, Singapore ka nga?

Dulay: Sama mo yung pokpok mo!

Edson: Inggit lang yan kasi may itsura pokpok ko! Di katulad nung sa kanya, mukhang katulong!

Dulay: Hinihipuan mo nga yun eh!

Ugh. More on this later.

My beautiful plan could have worked out if it weren’t for this “beautiful” problem.

Cindy: Nakakatakot mag-send ng message… baka kasi ilagay mo sa blog mo.

Yes, there is an actual girl that exists in my life now. Hindi siya imaginary… and for Mark… hindi pa niya kailangang mag-helmet…

The Sydman: Labs… you know me too well? Takte, nagba-blush ako!

Cindy: Syet! Blush ka dyan! Nakikita ka ng nanay ko… kaya umayos ka!

The Sydman: OWS???? Hi Tita! Anak niyo po, nangungulet!


Cindy: MUKHA MO!

Any minute now malamang bibili nako ng helmet… any minute now…

Cindy: Baket stacey ang pangalan mo? Bading ka?

She’s witty at times although she’s a bit naïve… and unmerciful. I wish my awesomeness would rub on her.

By the way, you can email at Stacey_the_evil_chipmunk@yahoo.com.

The Sydman: HINDI AKO BADING! HINDI BADING ANG PANGALAN NA STACEY!!

Cindy: Semi lang?

My awesomeness is at an all-time low.

The Sydman: WAG KANG HIHIRIT NG GANYAN!!!!!!!!

Cindy: Baket?

The Sydman: Nagtanong ka pa!?!?

Cindy: Baket na naman? Para may mailagay ka sa blog mo! Ayaw mo?

The Sydman: Sa susunod na mag-date tayo, sagot mo lahat!!!!!

Cindy: Busy ako! Next week maraming work!

The Sydman: SABAY GANUN O! Teka, ikaw ba yung tipong nagne-net for educational purposes?

Cindy: Hindi naman. Maraming reasons kung baket.

The Sydman: Tulad ng...

Cindy: Gay porn??

She’s cool in other levels. Believe me.

The Sydman: Alam mo yuck ka.

Cindy: I’m sooo gay! Hehehe!

Please believe me.

The Sydman: Hindi ka bakla! Magpapa-cute ako ng todo sayo para lalo kang ma-in love diyan eh!

Cindy: Ok nako. Kahit wag na.

The Sydman: Iba ang sinasabi sa nararamdaman!

Cindy: Ows? So iba ang nararamdaman mo sa hindi totoo? Hmmm...

The Sydman: Oo naman! Parang noong sinabi mo na wag akong magpacute… pero ang totoo, sobrang iniisip mo na sana magpacute ako. Parang ganun.

Cindy: Bolero ka nga.

The Sydman: Sana nga nagra-rub off din sayo.

Cindy: Wut?

The Sydman: Ayaw mong mambola eh! By this time dapat, nagta-transform ka na sa pagiging bolera!

Cindy: Hindi ako bolera by nature, pero minsan bolera din ako.

The Sydman: Ows? Pano? Pano mo ako bobolahin? Kunwari nahuli kita nakikipag-usap sa masahistang dating nanliligaw sayo?

Inaasar ko kasi siya doon sa masahista ng GMA. People might remember him as “Unggoyski”. Yung tumatambling sa “Alam ba News” segment ng Mixed Nuts…

Cindy: Edi sasabihin kitang “ang pogi mo”. Bola yun diba?

The Sydman: HINDI BOLA YUN! Pano magiging bola ang katotohanan! Stating facts yun iha... so wala lang yun. Kunwari sabihin mo, "Syd, ikaw ang siyang tunay na nagpapatibok ng puso ko" o kaya "nanonood ako ng The Notebook... sana katabi kita"… YUN ANG BOLA!

Partial bola kasi totoo nga yun.

Cindy: Ewan ko! Diko alam! Atsaka sinungaling pa ako kasi di ko pa napapanood yun!

Before she knew me, the only radiation-inflicting activities she usually does are After Effects, thesis-writing in the laptop, and DVD’s of Grey’s Anatomy, CSI, and House. Although nasabi niya dati na favorite niya ang Ranma 1/2… which could have prompt her to like me.

The Sydman: O sige. Ano bang mdyo romantic na malamang napanood mo? The Mummy?

Cindy: Action/thriller yun my dear.

The Sydman: Pero naiyak ka dun right?

Cindy: Hindi.

The Sydman: Naantig damdamin?

Cindy: Nope.

The Sydman: Gumamit ng panyo?

Cindy: Hindi. Pero noong nabahing ako, oo. Dyahe naman kung makikita nilang may sipon ako sa mukha diba? Wa poise!

The Sydman: Weh! Di ka pa ba umiiyak sa sinehan?

Cindy: Naiyak na yata ako.

The Sydman: Hulaan ko… Enteng Kabisote 4?

Cindy: NYE! Wala nga akong napanood sa sine noong mga yun eh!

The Sydman: Ober Da Bakod 2?

Cindy: Nope!

The Sydman: Hmmm. Hirap naman! TGIS da Movie?

Cindy: Wala yata nun. Siguro ikaw napanood mo yun?

The Sydman: OO NAMAN! Basta art film, pinapanood ko!

Cindy: Art film ka dyan! PORN YUN!

Kung ano ang kinahusay ko sa “crappy worthless Pinoy entertainment trivias”, yun ang kulang niya.

I bet she doesn’t know that there was once a movie star called TOM BABAUTA.

The Sydman: TGIS!?!?!! PORN!!!! OH COME ON!!! Sabagay, karamihan sa mga babae don nag-bold na... Pero hindi yun porn!!! OO KAYA! Na-stranded sila sa isla! Connected pa nga yun sa series e! WIKI MO! Meron yun! Ang ka-love team pa nun ni Michael Flores ay si Raven Villanueva! Pacute ka labs. Kaya sobra kitang labs eh!

Cindy: Defensive? May movie ba nun? Wala ikaw lang nagsabi nun! Never heard! BOLA!

The Sydman: Ang bola tumatalbog, ang puso tumitibok!

Cindy: Line sa kanta yata yun! Gusto mo work ka muna?

The Sydman: Oo! Ang kanta ng puso ko para sayo! Hehe! Actually medyo gusto ko ng mag-work. Di ako makapag-preview sa harap ng PC e. Pero mas gusto kong makita ang mga isusulat mo kesa sa magtrabaho.

Cindy: Baka naman ma-harass ka next week?

The Sydman: Well, magkikita naman tayo so ibig sabihin, maha-harass nga ako. ayos ka magbanta... one week in advance!

This was lost in translation gone awkward.

Cindy: Hindi ako nagbabanta. It was “concern”!

The Sydman: Pano magiging concern yun? Eh ikaw yung manghaharass sa akin! YOU HA!

Cindy: PANGET! Di ako nangha-harass! Baka ikaw! Sino pa ba?

The Sydman: Ako? Ganun? Kasalanan mo! Nagpapa-cute ka lagi e! Lagi mo nga akong inaakbayan… tapos cute ka pang tumawa…

Cindy: MUKHA MO! Paano? Har-har-har??

The Sydman: Parang ganun pero more conviction. “Bwahihihihihihihi”. Ito yung tawa ng mga nagpipilit na tumawa pagkatapos madyakan sa shin area.

I encountered this once… and I thought I was like Yoyong Martirez in a Vic Sotto movie.

Cindy: Ah medyo mahinhin. Malamang ikaw yun.

The Sydman: Bwahihihihihihihi!

Cindy: Katamad ang Saturday. Napanood ko na lahat ng mga DVD dito.

The Sydman: Yung mga kapitbahay niyong mga Muslim? Wala silang tinda?

Cindy: Wala. Shabu, Ok lang?

Cindy lives near Pasig Palengke, which is a haven for anything wet and illegal. There’s this place at the back of Jollibee where you can score dope.

Just don’t ask me of the exact location because every time I ride a cab, a different route takes place.

The Sydman: Bad trip naman sila diyan! Wala man lang DVD! Umulit ka na lang ng movie o kaya next week, tulungan kitang mag-stack ng mga DVD’s.

Cindy: Ayaw. Nagsasawa na nga ako eh. Bibili na lang ako ng series. Buti na lang may pagkaka-abalahan na ko maybe next week. Ganito pala yung two days na dayoff.

The Sydman: Ang upside lang is walang gastos.

Cindy: Yung nga lang maganda dun. Ewan. Depende. Baka i-set ko na yung drum lessons ko… for a change!

It was a tossup between guitars and drums. I think she chose drums because I have a pretty “macho dancer”-like body.

The Sydman: Basta hindi tambol ang tyan ko ha.

Cindy: Hindi nga.


The Sydman: Pero kung gagawin mo yun, may punishment.

Cindy: WUT?! Not fair! Baket may punishment!?!? Wala naman akong ginagawa eh!!!

The Sydman: Pag tinambol mo nga tyan ko.

Cindy: Kamusta yung ginagawa mo dyan?

By the time I looked at the time, it was already past four.

In short, tinamad ako.

Just like thinking of an ending here… TINATAMAD AKO.

So let’s end this with…

Edson: Ano palang nangyari sa labas niyo? Natuloy ba?

Dulay: OO nung Sunday! Naka 4th round lang. Dapat 6 rounds yun eh! Hahahaha!

The Sydman: Pero yung mga rounds ba 15 seconds max?

Edson: O baka tatlong kadyot lang yun?

The Sydman: DULAY MABILIS LABASAN!

Like I said, the whole conversation of this to be filed in due time.

END.

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OFFICE BROMANCE: YOU WANT... EVERYTHING?





The turn of the year started off as superbly busy. The 11-day off was nice, but the aftereffects proved ghastly. It was toxic. I was slacking as much as I wanted to. Luckily, my blog has reached out to several kinds of people…

… deceitful ones to be exact. And while I browse the net to find a wonderful idea that I will eventually call “my own”, this happened.

BUZZ!!!

some Chinese guy: I want everything.


some Pinay girl: What do you mean by “You want everything”?


some Chinese guy: Everything about you and everything you have.

It was like it was taken out from some romantic pocket book… that doesn’t have the phrases “Huwag po lolo” and “Bakit amoy tae ang hininga mo” in their statements.

The Sydman: Ano na naman ‘to?!!?!?

Geist: Check this out! A new story for your blog!


This story isn’t near the levels of “newness” anymore. For almost a decade, this romantic saga has captured the hearts of many (insert condescending laughter). It had all the awesome goodness soap operas could crave for… jealousy, violence, hardships, pain…

Kulang na lang man-on-man action.

And after months of romantic abstinence, as the door of 2008 closes… may pag-ibig na sumabay sa pagkatok ng 2009.

Kapit bayan.

some Pinay girl: Eto ang latest.

Geist: Pucha! You should be PAYING ME to listen to these things! Para akong psychiatrist mo!


some Pinay girl: Pinapapunta niya ako sa isang lugar na maraming job opportunities! Siya ang sasagot.


Geist: HAHAHA! Eh di pumunta ka! What’s stopping you?

Wink… wink. Damn it, para tong blind item!

some Pinay girl: Tangina, malaking gulo ‘to!

Geist: Exactly. Yun naman ang gusto mo diba?


some Pinay girl: Shit. Paano ba magpa-renew ng passport?


Geist: DFA… check mo sa site nila.


some Pinay girl: Hindi ko kasi alam kung bakit bigla na lang siyang nabaliw ng todo saken ngayon.


Geist: Yuck!

Foreign country… no one to talk to… naghahanap ng isang babaeng sobrang haba ng hair ngayon…

BUZZ!!!

Geist: Here's more! Busy ka ba?

The Sydman: Saksak lang ng saksak habang nag-iisip ako ng idea!

Actually nagnanakaw ako sa internet ng idea…

Geist: HAHAHA! Ok, pipigain ko pa!

The Sydman: Sige!

Returning to the conversation…

Geist: So paano kung gusto niya talaga na pumunta ka doon? I mean… astig din yun.

some Pinay girl: Okay lang siguro.


Geist: So what’s the prob?


some Pinay girl: Nag-iisip pa siya kung paano makakakuha ng malaki-laking perang pang-gastos saken. HAHAHA!


Geist: Wala kang gastos and you get to see another country!?!?


some Pinay girl: Yun nga eh!

Sa mga panahon nato, don’t you wish you had a gay benefactor?

Geist: Malay mo may magandang work sayo doon? It's an opportunity sayo!

some Pinay girl: Wala akong pera. Meaning… kapag naiwan ako mag-isa or naligaw ako… Hindi nako makakabalik ng Pilipinas!


Geist: Tanga, nandoon naman si big gay guy na hawig ni Undertaker!

some Pinay girl: Hmmm… tama ka diyan…


Geist: I’m sure di ka naman papabayaan ni Papa!


some Pinay girl: Ni Daddy? Hmmm…


Geist: Atsaka may malaking project ka na!


some Pinay girl: NAMANEEEEEEE!!!! O
o nga ‘no. Gullible talaga ako pagdating sa ganyan. Shit.


Geist: Well di din natin masabi. Actually, hindi ka gullible pagdating sa ganyan… gullible ka pagdating sa KANYA!


some Pinay girl: WAAAAAA!!!! HINDI AH!

Actually hindi lang sa kanya. Geist and this blog is another fine example…

Geist: Pag ganun pala, paano na si Edson?

Edson was prematurely part of this love story. If only rolls of tissue paper weren’t smarter than him… this plan could have been perfectly executed.

some Pinay girl:Anong meron sa animal na yun at bakit siya nasingit sa usapan?!?

Geist: Well alam mo naman na gusto ka rin non! Hindi lang niya masabi kasi nga animal siya.

The politically correct term to describe him is “village idiot”. Other names worth mentioning ranges from “imbecile”, “moron”, “stupid”, “Chinese version of Dean Cain”…

Basta, anything derogatory.

some Pinay girl: Oo nga, ANIMAL siya! Pero hindi totoo yon!

Geist: Pero hindi sa pagyayabang… wala ka bang feeling na type ka rin ni Edson?


some Pinay girl:Wala. Kasi binubwiset niya lang ako lagi at bastos sya.


Geist: Hindi mo ba napapansin sa tuwing magte-text ka sa kanya na pumunta ng tambayan ay pumupunta siya?


some Pinay girl: Napansin. That is called “Jedi Mind Trick”.

Isn’t that supposed to be called “pheromones”?

some Pinay girl:And tricks are for dogs.

Geist: Tapos kapag nagyayaya ka ng gImik, sumasama siya lagi! Nakabuntot sayo!


some Pinay girl:Di kaya!

And while they were chatting…

The Sydman: HAHAHA! Lasog ‘to!

Geist: Tol before mo post, pakita mo muna sakin!


The Sydman: Sige!


Geist: Kita mo yung Edson part?


The Sydman: Oo! Buti hindi nakahalata!


Geist: Siyempre! Tangina, ang skill mo naman sa ganito, sakin mo natutunan!

I could disagree… but I won’t. I am Aristotle to his Plato. Meaning before I became worthy to teach morons on how to act in life… I was his most efficient guinea pig.

The Sydman: o sige. basta will do. may dumating lang na job order.

Geist: Post lang ako ng post!


The Sydman: GO!

Returning to the conversation… we temporary run away from the emotional nightmarish dog-orgy we all know as Edson.

Geist: Pero magiging painful yun.

some Pinay girl:I know.


Geist: Are you willing to go through that?


some Pinay girl:I don’t want to think about that right now.


Geist: Naku… alam mo… yun! Ang magiging unang problema niyo ay sa kanila…

Mainland Chinese people that lives in our country hates our people for turning their succeeding generations as “half-breeds”.

Geist: Pero this time, things are different. Hindi na kayo mga estudyante…

some Pinay girl:Alam ko. Architect nako. Kaya ko yan.


Geist: At siya?


some Pinay girl:Siya? Hehehe… ayun… kalbo.


Geist: Anu?

Anu?

some Pinay girl: This is fuckin’ crazy!

Crazy indeed! A day after that conversation, I was spending hours alone in the office, composing scripts for my back logs, when some idiot made contact and urged me to chat.

BUZZ!!!

Jorge: Ano ba yan! Wala ng updates! Labo!

The Sydman: Di lahat ng oras Pasko. Actually, New Year na ngayon. Basta! Work!


Jorge: Tanga! Wala namang oras na Pasko eh! Ang oras ala una, alas dos, alas tres, etc! At alam mo ba kung baket ang ala una lang ang walang "s" sa ala? Dahil singular you turd!

I was seriously busy and I had to endure his senseless wit while thinking of proper avenues in the net where I can steal ideas.

The Sydman: Go insult some other dude. Gumagawa ako ng plug for Martin Luther King Day.

Jorge: Yung artista sa bad boys at Big Momma's House? WTF bat kano ang audience mo?


The Sydman: Dude ang work ko ay sa INT’L CHANNEL!


Jorge: Sabi na nga ba e! Sa KALABAN ka na! Lumipat ka na!


The Sydman: EH PAG HINDI PAKO LUMIPAT!?!?! ANO, TITIRAHIN MO SI EDSON SA PWET!?!?! WAG KA MAGULO TAENA!?!?!!

Anyway, when I finished and I saw he was still there.

The Sydman: Buffoon!

Jorge: Na-miss mo ‘ko no?


The Sydman: Hindi rin. Nakaisip nako ng concept! That means I'm ready to do this!!!!!

Being the humongous tamporurot that he is, he was making isnab.

He’s so kaka.

Jorge: Wag na. Bored na ako. Ika nga ni… *may dumaan na pusa* … you're too late Syd!

But then, I posted this!

some Chinese guy:I want everything.

some Pinay girl:What do you mean by “You want everything”?


some Chinese guy:Everything about you and everything you have.

Guess what happened.

Jorge: WHAT THE FUCK!?! OK, scratch that!

The Sydman: Sige pare… paalam…


Jorge: I’M INTERESTED! I’M INTERESTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To be continued.

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PRINTSCREEN: PUTUKAN SA BAGONG TAON 2009!

Here's to starting your year right! =)



Click to enlarge.

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