Mark Villasin: I like the machos.




PBFANTASY is a PBA online game actually sponsored by the Philippine Basketball Association. The game is simple. You act as a General Manager for a team you will create. You will join a league and you will acquire five players that could fit within a ONE MILLION PESO salary cap. In order to score top honors, the player you pick must score (pts x 1), rebound (reb x 1.5), assist (ast x 2), swipe (stl x 2.5), and swat (blk x 2.5). If you pick shitty players, your salary cap will contract but if you get a player that administered monster props on all sides of the court, then the salary cap will expand, which will give you mileage in getting better chances of picking up the league’s elite.

So one would ask… what makes this blog think that Mark Villasin loves machos?


Last conference ito ang standings:

FIRST PLACE: Alan Canlas (San Antonio Sperms)
SECOND PLACE: Syd Salazar (Miami Meat)
THIRD PLACE: Brian Cuevas (Muntinlupa Insiders)


Kung balak niyong rumesbak… kung balak niyong gumanti… kung tingin niyo supot sila at ikaw lang ang tunay na lalake sa buong universe… then NOW IS THE TIME to strut your stuff!

SIGN UP NA SA http://www.pbfantasy.com/ (existing users just need to log on)

League Name: Los Basketboleros Dos


League Password: area77

PARA SA LAHAT NG MGA MATATAPANG!

SALI NA!



Anyway...



Here is one good reason why people shouldn’t piss people who do name studies to feed their yearnings.

Mark Villasin: Nakasali na ako sa http://www.pbfantasy.com/. From Cainta Snatchers naging Quiapo Snatchers na.

The Sydman: Lumipat na ka ng franchise?

Mark Villasin: Yup.

The Sydman: Naubos na pera dun!?!

Mark Villasin: Hindi. Nagalit si Mon Ilagan. Sama daw ng image na pino-portray namin para sa Cainta.

This is but of course factual.

(Not unless Cainta, Rizal mayor Mon Ilagan was playing PBFANTASY and he saw Mark’s city-ripping moniker, which translated into a critical manhunt resulting to numerous physical exams… which is usually attended by Ricky Reyes beauty school enrollees)

Mark Villasin: Pasensiya na ha Syd. Nasira yung surprise mo kay Whore. Hindi ko mapigilang hindi gawing avatar etong cosplay pics nya eh. Pati si Via na intriga… nakashare ngayon sa kanya.

The picture Mark was talking about was this.



Because of a promise I made to Jorge, that I will never maim him with unnecessary photos, I will not comment on this.

(That doesn’t mean you can’t…)

The Sydman: Crap… nag-iisip ako ng team kaya hindi ako makapag-concentrate.

Mark Villasin: Sydrick's Pirates (kaaway na mortal ni Sid Meier)?

The Sydman: Ugok hindi yun…

Mark Villasin: Ricky's Angels?

The Sydman: Pwe.

Mark Villasin: Powder Rangers? Engkantasia Fairies? DA BOYS!!! Para astig, Roger Rabbits!! Fairview Boyfriends! Cebu Jebs! Crispa Womanizers! O kaya ikaw yung second team ng Quiapo… tapos Pirates ka naman para parang Los Angeles…

The Sydman: HOY AKO YUNG GUMAWA NG LEAGUE EH! PANO AKO MAKAKAPAG-PALIT!?! BWISET! SA TEAM, ANG IBIG SABIHIN KO DUN AY ROSTER, YOU GERIATRIC GNOME!!!

Hmmm…

The Sydman: Wait. Kay Jorge pala yun…

Mark Villasin: Tinatakam lang kita ng inifinite possibilities ng other cute names na dapat nasayo!


The Sydman: EH PARA SAYO!?! RIZAL RASCALS!!! TAYTAY BANTAYS!!! SAN MATEO MACHOS!!! QUEZON CITY CIRCLES!!!

Mark Villasin: I like the machos.

The Sydman: *printscreen*

Haha… this is like a good printscreen moment because I didn’t push him to say or do anything… he just blurted it out!

Mark Villasin: ARGHHH!!!

It was like it was his subconscious talking.

So who’s the bitch now?




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Moj Reynes - Don't call him "Manilyn"


My college days will never be awesome if it was lived without a bunch of computer addicts that basically waste around their parents’ precious dineros to allot pain and swirl around profanities to burned-out slackers.

Fast forward to the yuppie years, where every buck earned means either going to a bank… or donating it to its nearest beer patron. Anywho, back in college there was UST Counterstrike team amply called “COPS”. The group comprised of Noel a.k.a. Jellay, Iceman, Ditty, Windholm, Biohazard, Mark (the reserve player… he’s pretty much like the “Gabby Eigenmann” of the teen supergroup “The Gwapings”) and the idiot that would debut in this page.

Anyway, they once ranked second in the PC shop palaro. Maraming bilib sa kanila pero magulang lang sila (Hindi nila kayang gulangan si Hyubs).

(By the way, nakita ko si Louie noong tumatayo ako sa lotto noong Feb 22 – dahil malaki ang pera. Gusto ko siyang batiin kaso nakapila ako tapos hindi ako sure kung kuya niya ba yon o yung actual na kakilala ko dahil… MAGKAMUKHA SILA tapos di ko rin kayang isigaw ang name niya kasi PAREHO SILA NG PANGALAN AT JOLOGS YUN kaya pinabayaan ko na lang sila.)

Naging sweet pala sila ni Janis dati.

Ehem.

Anyway, even with their combined might…

Wala parin silang laban kay Hyubs.

Moj: Who are you?

The Sydman: Isang hot stud.

Moj: Hot stud… o hot shit?

The Sydman: Jorge? Ikaw ba to?

The COPS team paved the way for me to know Jorge.

They all look alike actually.

Moj: Ehem… ehem…

The Sydman: Diba may asawa ka na?

Moj: Uhhmmm… wala. Ano nga name mo?

The Sydman: Mr. ultra hot…

Moj: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!!

Moj Reynes a.k.a. Foxhound… the star of the new decade (or the decade where Manilyn Reynes was still in Young Love, Sweet Love).

He’s a jabroni.

The Sydman: So lahat ng mga pinagsasabi sayo ni Geist, gagawin mo?

Geist is “teaching” Moj the ways of “Office Romance”. More on this later.

The Sydman: Once I get a picture of you to make fun off… tapos ilang words… YOU'RE NEXT!!!

Moj: Eh bat mo alam?

The Sydman: I have sources pare…

Moj: Well… YOUR SOURCES SUCK… LIKE YOU!!!

The Sydman: Dude you're “Xerox” moves will be revealed and Jorge will see it! Mark will see it! Ditty will see it!

Moj: So? I'm not afraid of the big, fat bastard.

That’s Jorge by the way.

The Sydman: You'll be exposed! The gay guy they nurtured turns out to be a MAN! A MAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!

Moj: Ikaw ba yun?

The idiot got me.

The Sydman: No, you human form of nothingness! I reek of AWESOMENESS! You reek of GAS! SWEET POTATO GAS enriched by your sweat glands – learned from the combined teachings of Jorge and Ditty!!! Whenever they search for your name, they'll see you're name HERE! And the dozens... and the DOZENS of my fans will chant my name!!!

** cricket sounds in the background **

The Sydman: SYDRICK! SYDRICK! SYDRICK!

My life has reached a new low.

Moj: You're such a sick perv, man! YOU SUCK!

The Sydman: YOU SWALLOW!

More material next time.

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EWAN NATIN, ATING ALAMIN



A couple of days back, Geist sent me a short but sweet conversation where Jorge insisted that he is more of a warthog rather than a pig.

He could be an aardvark, which will prompt me to sing that very memorable Open Sesame song “Ako ay aardvark… o tingnan mo…”

Anywho, this didn’t suit my swiny (a combo of “swine” and “whiny”) buddy.

Jorge: You're gay and a fucktard.

The Sydman: Uhh... wala ka bang bagong material?

Jorge: Eh you haven't changed e. You're still a gay fucktard, so bakit ko babaguhin?

For a person that said “Embrace Change”, it’s natural for him to meta-morph successfully from “porky-mouth” to “jackass”.

The Sydman: Wala lang... pig.

Jorge: Warthog. Get it right.

The Sydman: Durok-Jersey, Yorkshire or Hampshire?

Jorge: Ano ang Durok-Jersey? Sounds interesting!

The Sydman: They are types of pig… just like you.

Jorge: I'm a type of pig… or pig? Make up your mind!

This conversation may need Gerry Geronimo for sane guidance.

The Sydman: While you're thinking... do your balls bang?

Jorge: Nope. One is lower than the other e, so as not to get in the way of my “ginormous” manhood.

The Sydman: Were you saying that your nipple just lactated?

Jorge: I bet you're drooling na imagining my nipples!

Initiating game breaker…

The Sydman: *printscreen*

Wrong statement eliciting jeer completed.

Jorge: GET A GRIP! No matter how much you want to, hinding-hindi ka magiging babe!

The Sydman: YOU SAID BABE? PIG!!!

Okay, I knew he was meaning to say “babae” here. But this was too good to pass up.

The Sydman: *printscreen*

Two quick hits? That was unexpected!

Jorge: At natuwa ka. Dude, typo yun.

The Sydman: Says the pig.

Jorge: TYPES the WARTHOG! Get it right!!!

The Sydman: Achievement na yun para sa species mo nonetheless. PIG!!!

Jorge: Sige! Inaamin ko! Baboy lang ako! Pero maghanap ka ng hayop sa buong Pilipinas! Masarap pa din ang baboy! Lipo sucks! My brother IS a pig! And so am I! WALANG HIMALA!!!


This is like rephrasing Mark Lapid’s famous line.

Luckily he didn’t say anything about a banana. No long, yellow, pointy substance was said in that statement.

The Sydman: E pano yan… kinahihiya ka na ng lahat ng baboy sa buong Pilipinas. Sinisira mo daw pangalan nila. Tinatakwil ka nilang baboy.

Jorge: Kathang isip mo lamang yan! Kanino mo ba nakuha yan?

The Sydman: Malamang hindi sayo. Pwede ka ring walrus.

Jorge: Si Noel na ang walrus e. Welnus the Walrus!

I tried hard to search for a picture of Noel and the closest thing I could find was a Facebook account.

Unfortunately, I can’t post the Facebook pic because I just installed Adsense… and I can’t post raunchy things on my site.

Raunchy in the sense of porn…

But I still can display these kinds of smut.


See?

This reminds me… my next INVASION OF PRIVACY technique requires a Facebook account and a set of rude words that I shall “The Facebook Profile Review”.

Guess whose page will get limelight?

The Sydman: Ayaw mo nun, twins kayo! Ikaw yung puro lumot!

Jorge: Dude diko kamukha si Willie Miller!

The Sydman: Yung “askal” version ng walrus.

Jorge: GANYAN NA! May “abandonment issues” na nga ako e!

This ends another day of slacking in the office.

Until my next installment, the next best thing to do while waiting is to SURF PORN!

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OFFICE BROMANCE: PIG

This…



Can easily be this.


Anywho…

I was busy this week so I have yet to find an appropriate “feed” for my blog.

Luckily, Geist sent this.

Jorge: When I was a young warthog…

Geist: At least you admitted you’re a pig.

Jorge: Warthog! Balbon kase!


Eww. Any organism that grazed on that path must be quarantined…

… or blessed.

Who knows?

Jorge: When you was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large and now that I have grown, I eat FIVE dozen eggs, so I'm roughly the size of a BAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!

It suddenly caught me. I think I am reading a demented version of Calvin and Hobbes.

And of course, Jorge is the furry stuffed beast that allegedly comes to life whenever “Calvin” touches him.

Who knew Calvin and Hobbes has phallic undertones?

Geist: Still a pig.

Jorge: Bitch.


With apologies to Mimi Bobeck and the rest of the Drew Carey Show characters.

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THE VALENTINE SPECIAL


This is the Valentine edition of my blog.

For those that is incapable to emit love and peace amidst their abundance of suffering and hatred, I advise you to wander off to other modules of entertainment.



Hmmm… you can go to http://www.pep.ph/. Balita ko break na daw si Jean Garcia at Polo Ravales…

Anyway… this is also lengthy so if you need to take a poop, now is the perfect time to shit.

For the past two weeks, work has been rumbling my balls. I think I am 70 pounds overweight, my DOTA time has been disrupted because of work, and the only refuge I could possibly think off is YM.

Take this example.

The Sydman: Ano pagkakaiba ng mga puta sa Indonesia sa mga puta sa Pinas?

Pototoy: HINDE MO SILA MAINTINDIHAN!!! (insert diabolic laughter) MAS MASABAW ANG MGA PUKE NILA!!! (insert MORE diabolic laughter)

But I am not mad. I am not even sad. For those who commented on my previous entry… this is my raison d'être.

Why am I acting like some crazy person emitting love bubbles while injecting French words in my blog?

This is why!




Yeah!

Jorge: Sweet ka na ngayon. Di ka na mean. You're such a cutie!

The Sydman: *printscreen*

Jorge: Baket?!? Secure naman tayo sa pagkalalake natin diba? TRIP LANG!

The Sydman: No pare... don't go there. Naka “paragon of virtue” mode ako ngayon.
Love is in the air… and I am breathing it. I am so happy… I’m like floating in the air. I can do almost anything… try the things that I don’t usually do like SWIMMING!!!




Swimming badly… inside shallow waters… I look like floating debris from a flashflood.

Anyway, when I first introduced the picture, I noticed several responses…

Take for instance, Phlebas!

Phlebas: GF mo?

The Sydman: Uu.

Phlebas: Nice! Congratz! Sinama mo na sa tambayan?

The Sydman: Nakita na ng karamihan pero hindi ko pa nadadala sa tambayan.

Phlebas: OK na rin yun!

I will stop mocking your being as the materialization of what The Undertaker would look like if he’s gay.

How about my lawyer friend… whose name shouldn’t be revealed… for fear of libel and other charges that would make me spend time getting ton-loads of soap bars off the prison floor…

"The Abogwapong Cute-torney": Tol, sikat ka dahil sa Avatar mo ha! SELL OUT ka daw according to Evil Brain...

And then there’s Via…

Viamike: Dini-distract mo ang fellow employees mo sa trabaho nila dahil basa lang sila ng basa ng posts mo… o dahil may adult content?

I don’t know what she meant. Then there’s this guy… who logs in when he feels the urge to merely cut a swathe through boredom.

Bajie: Sino yung unlucky girl sa tabi mo?!?

The Sydman: GF ko pre.

Bajie: GURLFRIEND MO!?! NICEEEEE!!

And even these guys gave great comments!

Edson: Oi! Ang cute naman ng picture ‘nyo!

Dulay: Kelan mo ba papakilala sakin GF mo? Para naman pakilala ko din yung akin!

The Sydman: YOKO NGA! Habang nag-uusap kayo, nagsasayaw siya!?! HINDI RIN NOH!

But then again… there are other comments. I bet you have seen these lines uttered from my previous blog.

Williamsuperpogi: HAYEEEP YANG KATABI MO DIYAN HA!

The Sydman: Oks ba?

Williamsuperpogi: Si Selphie ba yan?

And then you can see yourself agreeing to comments like these.

Chai: SINO YAN??? KAMUKHA NI (can’t say name because she’s living a different life right now and for the love of whatever your religion asks you to worship, it has been what… almost four years ago?)

The Sydman: Layo kaya!

Chai: Ok. Hair lang. Kilay… at… ngiti? Yung teeth din ‘ata…

This thinking at first seems harsh but with sanity flourishing in my cranium, I have concluded that:

I beautify people.

Yes, that’s why they look alike… my cute and cuddly persona could make a wonderful aura, determined to transform the unhappiest of people become emotionally refreshed which will in turn make their physical beauty more radiant!

I am like the Fanny Serrano of life!

Hmmm… that sounds so… F’N gay but…

I AM THE FUCKING STREAM OF LIFE THAT EMITS HAPPINESS TO PEOPLE (which I will eventually drain when my innate ability to act like a turd sinks in)!!!

The Sydman: Well, siguro ganun kasi ang feeling pag kasama ako.

Chai: Whatever.

This is why even the most annoying of people can’t make this spectacle crappy!

Jorge: Sellout, nagte-text brigade ako para mag comment sayo na sellout ka! Alam mo ba ang sagot nila? "Dude, that's not news!"

The Sydman: Inggit ka lang. BEH!!!

Cybersilence.

Jorge: Did… you… just called me… "beh"?

The Sydman: YUP!

Jorge: Dude, I'm just not into you. GAY!!! Btw… **printscreen**!

This is also the reason why I became righteous and I do not fear my life anymore.

Geist: MULA NGAYON PINAGBABAWAL KO NA ANG MGA CHEEZY LINES MO KAPAG KAUSAP MO AKO!!! FUCK!!! Man, I did NOT expect that you will GAY UP because of this!!! KELAN BA NAGING GANYAN ANG MGA USAPAN NATIN!?!

The Sydman: Mahal ko siya… basta nandyan siya… may pag-ibig sa puso ko.

Geist: PUTA!

The Sydman: Di ko na nanaisin na mawalay sa kanya!

Geist: ISA PA MASASAKTAN KA NA SAKIN!

The Sydman: Bakit pare… kelan ba naging mali ang magmahal?

Guess what happened when I went to the tambayan two hours later.

Anyway, there is a hidden story why the conversation became this… more of this later.

Since I started seeing Cindy, my friends saw me as over-shielding grouch. Fact is, I love what I’m currently feeling right now. That is why I’d rather let them insult me than her. Yes I know, I am too girly to be someone’s “Knight in Shining Armor”, but I think it’s about time for me to man up.

Seriously, she is giving me every reason to be happy with her!

The Sydman: Nagpa-Swedish massage kami.

Geist: Pucha! Ang sakit sa katawan non!

The Sydman: Hindi. Shiatsu yun. At ang maganda… siya nagbayad.

Geist: YOU LUCKY BASTARD! YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED!

I know it’s mandatory to never let girls pay pero I know it’s a FACT that guys love it kapag bini-baby sila!

The Sydman: ANG SWEET NIYA!

Geist: YOU LUCKY BASTARD! Yun bang couple rooms ang kinuha ‘nyo?

The Sydman: Lugi nga siya eh! Ang tindi ng kiliti! Tapos habang minamasahe… magkasama kami… naka holding hands.

Geist: SICK!!! SICK!!!

I will understand Geist if the next time I tried that stunt on him, he’ll pick up a broom and mercilessly swat me! But then again, understand me as I talk some sense to this guy!

Jorge: Kamukha daw ni (I still can’t mention her name) ang syota mo!

The Sydman: Hindi kaya! At hindi siya syota! Bangasan kita diyan eh!

Jorge: Ano ba masama sa syota?

The Sydman: Slang for short time yun gago! Rumespeto ka ha! Ang cono sa Cebu ano??? MAGISIP KA NGA!

Jorge: ABA MALAY KO! IKAW KASI ANDUMI NG UTAK MO!

The Sydman: Wag kang gagamit ng salita pag hindi mo alam! Pare respeto lang! Wala naman siyang ginagawa sayo eh!

Jorge: Tangina! Hindi naman disrespect ang ginagawa ko eh! Well at least… hindi sa kanya.

The Sydman: PURO KA DALDAL!

Jorge: FINE! AYAW MO NG SYOTA… EDI WAG!

Cybersilence.

Jorge: “Conjugal Heart Owner” daw… sabi ni Mark.

Cybersilence.

Jorge: AYAW MO DIN YON?!

The Sydman: TUMAHIMIK KA NGA! Nag-iisip pako! Hmmm… nagalit siya noong sinabi kong “sugar” at “cupcake” ang tawagan namin. Eh hindi ko daw hawig si Bobby Andrews…

Jorge: WTF! Eh bat kasi naman ganon hirit mo?

The Sydman: Sabi ng manahimik ka eh! Hmmm… “concept team” na lang siguro kasi siya ang artist tapos ako ang writer!

Jorge: YAN! GANYAN KA HA! Gagamitin mo lang ideas ko! Ginawa mo akong Gary Granada!
The Sydman: Hindi mo hawig si Gary Granada.

Probably Heber Bartolome… or the “Jess Bartolome” dude whom I mistaken as Jorge’s new beau. I have to check on my 70’s and 80’s OPM rock.

His reaction is scary. Is this a preview of what I should expect if I placed Cindy near them? I mean, I am sure my phobia has kind of disappeared (???) and I am definite that I will try hard to take care of this relationship and I am dead sure that… fuck! I’m confused! I need to get someone to check my bewilderment!

Mark Villasin: Mukhang maraming na-biktima yang peechur mo ah…

Nagtitipid na rin ako. Matagal pa kasi yung mid-year bonus eh.

The Sydman: Dude wala namang masama eh! Hindi naman siya phallic! Wala namang bakas ng racism o terrorism sa kanya! Why can't people just be happy!?! HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Mark Villasin: Hmmm… Well, they might consider your picture as gloating. Like “Haha, I’m being loved and you’re not” tapos yung ngiti mo parang “Haha, joke's on you”!

The Sydman: Dude! Would I not gloat? I mean… LOOK AT HER! I'm misunderstood… like an emo…

My apologies to Hyubs.

Mark Villasin: Alam mo ng malamig ang Valentines ng mga cossacks mo… insensitive! I LIKE IT! And I thought Geist was the evil one…

The Sydman: Tapos nag-away pa kami ni Jorge because she called my GF "syota".

Mark Villasin: So that’s what it means! “Syurt taym”… “syuta”… yun nga ang sabi ko eh… syota kasi sounds so masa…

The Sydman: Dude Jorge is 30! Manila sound was flourishing when he was a baby!!!

He could have been Gabby Concepcion’s preschool seatmate…

Mark Villasin: Lagyan mo ng follow up yung blog mo. Lahat ng mag-comment sa picture mo hindi mag-kaka gerlfrend!

The Sydman: Ayaw! Karma hurls an angry spell on braggarts!

Mark Villasin: So you admit bragging?

The Sydman: Dude I wasn't bragging when I first uploaded the pic! Maniwala ka! It was blown out of proportions!!!

Mark Villasin: So why did you put it there in the first place?

FLASHBACK… February 9, 2009. A day after our fourth monthsary.

It was Cindy’s day off. Being a Monday, I was at the office working while chatting. She shows up in the YM and we chatted. Before that, she was tinkering on the Photoshop.

This is pretty much our usual shtick.

Cindy: I LOVE YOU!

The Sydman: NO I LOVE YOU!

Cindy: NO I LOVE, LOVE YOU!

The Sydman: NO I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU! ACHOOCHOOCHOOCHOO!!!

Okay. This could have been fabricated. I don’t want to make you all vomit (this includes Cindy once she reads the things I’ve been writing)! I shall go straight to the point!

While chatting, she all of a sudden uploaded this pic as her new pic.

The Sydman: Alam mo ang ganda ng pic ng YM mo.

Cindy: Palitan ko? JOKE!!!

The Sydman: SIRAULO! WAG! Ang cute nga e… lalo na yung naka-green!

Cindy: Yellow kaya yan! Ang panget nung kulay! Ang hirap ayusin!

The Sydman: Photoshop ba yan?

Cindy: Yung kulay inayos ko… ang pale kasi eh. Wala e, yun na yun. Wala ng igaganda.

The Sydman: Di bale. Cute naman tayo eh. Hehe!

Cindy: At least di nako tatanungin ng mga friends ko kung ano ang itsura mo!

The Sydman: Uhh… so cute! Teka, penge ako pic!

Cindy: O sige… paano?

The Sydman: Naku Labs, email mo na lang. Hindi pala ako nakaka-receive pag sa YM galing.

Cindy: Ok. Sige, sa work mail ko na lang isi-send ha.

The Sydman: Hmmm… thanks Labs!

And after I uploaded my pic, this happened.

Evilbrain: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!

The Sydman: WHAT MINDLESS NONSENSE ANG SINASABI MO!?!

Evilbrain: SELL OUT KA!!!

I almost forgot. Happy Valentine’s Day from Honda Cars Philippines.

The Sydman: Siya ang unang naglagay niyan sa YM niya! GINAYA KO LANG MARK!!! IS IT WRONG!?!

Mark Villasin: It’s not wrong to brag. You said it yourself! What's not to brag about, diba?

The Sydman: Yes pero… DAMMIT! Ang cute nito para i-take down eh!!!

I was doing this while waiting for Cindy to end her shift. And at 12:30am… kailangan ko na siyang kulitin na tumigil na sa pagiging work robot!!! (actually naunahan pa niya ako)

Promise, I shall return to the quick reads.

Until my next installment… SURF PORN!


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Me as a voiceover talent

This is a radio plug from a defunct show where my voice was used to speak outrageous lines.

I just used a pic of a wonderfully-made art film to make the lines you are about to hear right now a little… “Grandiose”.

After hearing it, walk around and wonder… how is this relevant to the show?

On a sidenote: the copywriter of the plug, Cheryl Narvasa, has moved on to film writing and her last film, Shake, Rattle, and Roll X (the Kim Chiu episode), went on as one of the top-grossers of the 2008 Metro Manila Film Festival.

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Jorge weighs more than Kimerald


Jorge: Freak! Tanong: Alam mo yung commercial ng Coke na bago? Basta! Gagawa ako ng blog post! Nairita ako! Do those people look like they drink Coke?

The Sydman: Dude naman. Oo naman!

A few days back, Jorge ranted on his website, http://www.farfromneutral.com/, why Coke would get skinny, muscular, pretty boys and girls as their ambassadors. To view what he blogged, click here.

http://farfromneutral.com/exodus/humor/coca-cola-blues/

Here’s my take on his vision: there is a reason why Coca-Cola is the second most recognizable brand behind Mickey Mouse… and that’s because everyone drinks it.

Even the fittest of supermodels drink Coke. Damn it, that’s why we have Diet Coke, Coke Zero, and all other unsuccessful low calorie drinks that kept on spawning and disappearing in the market. Even the most rational of all people may or may not agree that drinking Coke every freaking day will make you a sad, diabetic time bomb. However, everyone will agree that Coke rules (although it was once upstaged by Pepsi during the late 90’s when Pepsi started to get top-notch celebrities like Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, and the Spice Girls as their endorsers).

Sure, the fact that they let someone as undernourished like Kim Chiu to star in their plug should make all the fat people cringe in despair. But mind you, Coke’s last TVC involved a family of not-so-wonderful aesthetics. Their Xmas plug involved an overly usual family. And they had a string of actors and actresses acting in their plugs like Tito, Vic, and Joey, Dolphy, among others. Coke is known to discover talent… great examples provided includes Lilet, Nikki Gil, Mosang…

Mosang?

Anyway, saying that skinny, muscular, and overly pretty people cannot represent the brand is discriminating these people just because they have something that other people don’t. The fact being a Coke ambassador is merely a marketing ploy. If FHM, Maxim, and Playboy placed grotesque unflattering women in their covers, would the reading (or ejaculating) public yearn for their copies?

Jorge: Puta kung si Gabe Mercado pa pwede…

Gabe Mercado could be a household name if his sitcom “Eto Na Ang Susunod Na Kabanata” where he tried to replace the character, Dino Tengco, that was once portrayed by the rival station’s talent, Anjo Yllana…

Jorge: Or ako.

What?

Jorge: Ako dapat maging Coke endorser.

Ad agencies have tendencies to place odd-looking newbies which tends to discover previously untapped talents. It could also feature former teen stars… like this guy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzOIrrGfjRE

Jorge, if you want to be the next big discovery, the best way to get a start is through auditions.

The Sydman: Errr… alam ko subsidiary din nila ang BMEG…

(Writer’s Note: I could have second-guess myself with this statement since Coca-Cola has found a way to struggle away from the San Miguel Corporation banner… but I could be wrong.)

Jorge: TAE.

Imagine Jorge in a BMEG ad… shoveling poop and then looking at the camera like Gerry Geronimo and then he blurts “Kabayan, sigurado ka bang masustansya ang kinakain ng inyong biik?”

Jorge: Although pwede din ako sa BMEG…

And there you go.

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Phlebas is dead? Just like Rustom Padilla???

*** DISCLAIMER: Can't find appropriate image so ito muna ang proxy. Will change eventually.***


Status ni Phlebas sa YM ay dead and bloated.

I am too spooked from work to create a witty remark.

The Sydman: Phlebas is dead? Just like Rustom Padilla?

Phlebas: Ha? Self-euthanasia?

The Sydman: Dude hanapin mo si Bebe Gandanghari sa Youtube. Malamnag pagiisipan mo na ang preferences mo.


Now you could be living inside a rock if you don’t know the fairy tale (of is it ferry tale) of the hunky man that dreamt to become a bosomy lady.

If my showbiz instincts prove real then chances are she’s almost a he!

Phlebas: Nagpa-sex change na talaga siya?

The Sydman: Hindi ko pa alam eh! Pero isipin mo na lang... it could be you.


Isipin niyo si Phlebas naka-two piece at naka-balandra sa Puerto Galera… nagbago ang lahat… pwera lang ang kanyang boses.

Or worse, iba na ang boses niyo pero yun parin ang katawan niya!

The Sydman: Malapit ka pa naman sa Thailand…

Phlebbie Galang… Phleby Galang… pwede din Phoebe Galang…

Phlebas: BAKA MAS MAUNA KA PA SA AKEN DON!

If he reads this, he could kill me.

I should stop now.

The Sydman: Hoy umuwi ka na para may proof!

Phlebas: Just look to the skies.


The Sydman: Ano ka, smog?

Phlebas: A380!


This is me, seriously stupid, at all things moving that doesn’t highlight anything famous.

The Sydman: Isa kang spraynet?

Phlebas: A380 = SPRAYNET?!?


This is me stomped.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airbus_A380

The Sydman: Ah ganun. So tingin mo sa sarili mo isa kang jumbo jet?

Phlebas: Better than a little prick right? Bakit ikaw, Cessna ka lang ba? Basta bigla na lang ako susulpot dyan na parang kabute!

The Sydman: Ano ang “Cessna” at bakit ka magpa-parang kabute?

This is me… still stomped.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cessna_172

By the way, speaking of circumcision terms, I remember another “kabute” incident today.

Chai: Ano balita? May GF na ba si Froi? Nag-aaway pa ba sila? Bati na?

The Sydman: Ang alam ko ay hindi na sila nagpapansinan. Madalang na rin pumunta si Froi. Pero di ko alam kung may GF na siya.

Chai: Nagbebenta siya ng PSP games kahapon.

The Sydman: Ows?

Chai: Parang kabute yun… sumusulpot-sulpot.


Hmmm, wala na akong balita sa kanila eh. Kung meron kayong kwento, just ping me. Anyway…

Phlebas: Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako makakauwi eh. Basta kung nandyan na ako… eh nakauwi na ako.

The Sydman: Wow... mysterious. Pero hindi talaga totoo yung sinasabi ni Edson na nagpa-sex change ka?

Phlebas: Naniniwala ka na kay edson? Ano ba yan Syd!?!

The Sydman: Dammit. You got me there, pare. Wala na kasing balita dito e. Teka lang titingnan ko kung kaya kong mabuhay pagkatapos kung lumamon ng stapler…

Phlebas: Sige break an artery.


And yeah, I’m pretty much wasted to even think of a witty end.

So until my next installment, SURF PORN!

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KASALANAN BANG MAHALIN AKO - THE TRANSCRIPT

** DISCLAIMER: REGARDING THE PICTURE, SINCE ALL CHINESE PEOPLE LOOK THE SAME AND I AM 1/16th RACIST, UNTIL SOMEONE SURRENDERS WILLIAM’S PIC, THIS WILL BE HIS PICTURE! **

The Sydman: KASALANAN BANG MAHALIN AKO!?!?! TAENA, HINDI KAYA! BAKET MO INIISIP YAN!!!! NAHU-HURT AKO! GRABEH! SOBRAH!

This is a one-act play created by yours truly and the man that looks like the F4.

williamsuperpogi: OO MALIBOG KA KASE, PEKPEK! Nalimutan mo na ba ang mga panahon na pinagnanasaan mo pa ako!?!

The combined penises of the whole F4.

The Sydman: Dude... lasing ako noon! Atsaka who would ever thought na ganun ang reaction ko sa pork and beans!?!

This is definitely a genuine tearjerker.

Tears will definitely flow every time you jerk forever and ever and ever.

williamsuperpogi: May lasing ba na nagawa pa akong itali ng walang kalaban-laban at nagawa mo pang mag-suot ng lingerie at maghanap ng latigo!?! LASENG KA BA NON!?! SINUNGALENG!

And for the record… this was not based from some god-awful life story.

Maybe this is HIS story… but definitely not mine.

The Sydman: Pare una, hindi ako yun! Walis tingting lang ang ginamit ko sayo! Baka ibang tao yan! Atsaka sa lingerie... lata lang ng pork and beans ang ginamit ko! Sabi ko pa nga, pwede na yun na condom! Doon nga tayo nagaway diba??? Sabi mo kasi bat pa magko-condom!?!?!

williamsuperpogi: At nagagawa mo pang mag-sinungaling, mongoloid ka! Pagkatapos mong nakawin ang aking LAKAS…

Paunawa: Please refrain from touching your genitals when reading the following excerpts. Your body heat is not welcome in this website.

williamsuperpogi: …At KATAS… IDE-DENY MO LANG LAHAT!!!

The Sydman: Pare, yung katas mo, nilagay mo yun sa ref! Sabi mo pa nga yun ang magiging bagong flavor ng ice candy ninyo! IBANG TAO ANG SINASABI MO!!!!!!!!!

williamsuperpogi: Sabi mo nga hindi ka maglalagay ng petroleum jelly kasi maliit naman ari mo!

The Sydman: HINDI AKO YON!!!


People might not know this, but he owns a computer shop near Munoz where he enjoys long, hard, and fruitful hours with Mike George, a former teen star who is currently Via’s boytoy… and Rey.

Rey is a callboy for poor gays.

If you need a “stud” for your dogs, call him.

williamsuperpogi: Pero naman yung ugat naman ng ari mo e kalaki-laki at ang tigas pa! Parang ugat ng akasya!

Looking back, I think that YM was a cry for help.

The Sydman: Pare isipin mo ang sinasabi mo!

williamsuperpogi: WALANG HIYA KA!

The Sydman: Hindi ako yun! Maniwala ka! Aaminin ko naman yun e!

williamsuperpogi: Hindi kita pare!!! Mare kita!!!

The Sydman: Hindi ako pulubi sa pagmamahal mo! Hmpf!

Questions? Reactions? Questions regarding our sexuality? Hurl it here!

Until then… SURF PORN!

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THE PICTURE

I remember when Brain was righteous.

Those days are gone now.

Evilbrain: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!

Why? See this picture? If you hook up with me on YM, you’ll probably see this pic near my name. Should you be worried?

The Sydman: WHAT MINDLESS NONSENSE ANG SINASABI MO!?!

Evilbrain: PARE DOWNWARD SPIRAL ANG GINAGAWA MO!!!








Hell no.

Unicorns have been flying inside and outside my head… talking rainbows and gallant knights treat me as their master!

Love is in the air… and I breathing it!

Evilbrain: SELL OUT KA!!!

Damn bitch.

For the millions of surfers reading my blog… kung lagpas sampu ang nag-comment at nagsasabi ng oo, then I will admit this!

Pero since bilang ng left hand ko ang mga avid readers… hell no!

Evilbrain: Naglagay ka na ng couple pic as your profile pic! Tsk… tsk… tsk… magkano binayad sayo? Sa wedding pa yan!

The Sydman: Bakit ikaw? May sinabi ba ako nung nilagay mo yung pic mo with tomi??? Dude.... walang bayad!

Evilbrain: ANAK NG POTA!!!

Mag-ingat sa typo. Alam niyo ba kung bakit?

Geist: GAGO KA! Magkatabi ni Brain dito!

For a second I saw a white light flashing in front of my eyes…

The Sydman: Sori! Tado pala yung nasa isip ko!

Geist: TANGINA… KAMUKHA KO BA SI TADO!?!?!

The Sydman: HINDI! FOUR LETTERS DIN KASI EH!

I have proof of the typo!







Evilbrain: Electroshock treatment?

The Sydman: I DON’T NEED THAT!

Evilbrain: Cut and paste ‘to! Bahala na kung saan ko ma post to!

Somewhere in Pasig, there’s a vengeful girl out to talk sense on some guy sporting a third-degree burn.

Oops… correction… some guy that WILL SPORT a third degree burn.

The Sydman: Dude ansama mo! Kahit ano pang sabihin mo... likas ang nasa puso ko!

Evilbrain: Likas papaya? Hmmm… papaya… papa yah… I can’t believe I’m saying this but… PRINTSCREEN!!!

This is bad. Creepy even. But then I remembered why this guy has the balls to stuff my brain with mental anguish…

Dammit, it’s February!

The Sydman: Pakihirit nga sa katabi mo ilang araw na lang may text na siya galing sakin!

Geist: Hahahahaha! Just the remember the right car man. Baka Daewoo Philippines ang malagay mo or Sarao Inc.!

The Sydman: Kotse ba yun o helicopter?

Geist: Nasa kotse… nagpapa-helicopter.

The Sydman: 10 yr anniv na ba non? Pakitanong naman o.

Geist: Something like that. But who's counting?

The Sydman: Malay mo may libreng t-shirt?

Read between the lines.

Evilbrain: Where's a good blog when you need one?

The Sydman: YOU’RE MY AVID FAN!!!!

Evilbrain: SELL OUT!

The Sydman: HINDI AKO SELLOUT!!!!

Evilbrain: Pfft. Getting caught in a pic with your girlfriend in a wedding… AND SHOWING IT TO THE ENTIRE WORLD…

The Sydman: Dude i'm just hot.

Evilbrain: SELLOUT!

And then came the next day… coming in for work early, I was greeted by some moron.

Jorge: TANGINA MO! ANO NA NAMAN YAN!?!

This is normal because he’s jealous. He likes my body and wants it ardently but he can’t have it. That’s why he always looks at my blog. But forgive me, you humongous piece of nothing, whenever I text “Luv u… mwah” … it will never be you.

Just stick to farm animals… or Edson.

The next guy however has class. If he weren’t Chinese… and filthy rich… he could have been the best callboy in the City Hall side of the QC Circle.

Williamsuperpogi: HAYEEEP YANG KATABI MO DIYAN HA!

The Sydman: Oks ba?

Williamsuperpogi: Si Selphie ba yan?

Dammit, everybody’s against me.

The Sydman: TAE KA!!! BAT MO NAMAN SASABIHIN YUN!?!?!

Williamsuperpogi: Hindi ba? Anliit kasi ng pic! Hindi ko mahulaan kung sino!

The Sydman: GF KO YAN!!! SIRAULO KA!!!

Williamsuperpogi: MAY PUMATOL SAYO!?!

The Sydman: KASALANAN BANG MAHALIN AKO!?!

Syet na malagket na may tae sa pwet! More on this later!

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VITAMIN SYD: CENTRAL AMERICA AND THE PACIFIC PLUG



Here’s something from my work where it tolerates my obsession to mesh fun with hardship.

Actually madali lang para sa akin. Sa artist at sa grafix mahirap.

WHAT UP!!!!

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