GAME ON: All-Time Worst NBA second overall picks from 1966 to 2004


Just like a Sharon Cuneta commercial, if you have a number one, then definitely you have a number 2, 3, 4, etc. Imagine, you are one lottery pick away from capturing top spot, but as fate would have it, you have to settle for the second-best player available.

But what if the next best choice is a tad crappy than the picking of an elephant seal with a Nelson Asaytono jersey?

When the present “look” of the draft started in 1966, the second top picks often made an impact as important as those who were picked first… the saviors some might say.

By the way, the reason why a chose to end this until 2004 is because I might eat my words when guys like Michael Beasley and Marvin Williams ultimately suffer superstar outburst while LaMarcus Aldridge and Kevin Durant suddenly flop their next ten seasons (or when they get waived by their then team).

Anyway, for every Elvin Hayes was a Wes Unseld. For every Elton Brand, there’s a Steve Francis. For every Shaquille O’Neal, there is an Alonzo Mourning.

So on… and so forth.

Let’s look at the worse possible ways to waste this heralded position.

10. Darko Milicic (2003) – Detroit
2003 Top Pick: LeBron James – Cleveland

Gosh… this is tough. For one thing, I like Darko. I thought the Pistons made a wrong choice in under-developing him. If they used him wisely, then he’ll get first dibs on the spot vacated by Ben Wallace. Remember when the Pistons made a booboo and took Nazr Mohammed to replace Big Ben while they let Darko off to Orlando where he was blossoming? Detroit wasted precious dinero on that situation (they made wise when they nurtured Jason Maxiell but again made a stupid choice in selecting Allen Iverson for Chauncey Billups). Just when people think that it is Darko time, he stopped developing! Sure, for a five-year pro, the 23-year-old could still prosper. I myself want to be wrong in this choice. But he needs to evolve now, with Memphis (his new team) a starting lineup less of a contender.

9. Keith Van Horn (1997) – New Jersey (from PHI)
1997 Top Pick: Tim Duncan – San Antonio

1996 was the lockout season. Under the “dark” ages, San Antonio’s starting lineup was virtually wiped out because of injuries which resulted into a VERY poor season for the Spurs. In this predicament, the Spurs claimed first pick rights which became NBA superstar Tim Duncan. The Nets, second to pick, took in this University of Utah standout. Dimmed as the next Larry Bird, Van Horn seemed to fit the bill in his early years. However, during the first of two New Jersey final berths, players finally found the chink in his armor which will destroy his image completely – he was a liability in defense. The following season he was traded to the Sixers for the rights of Dikembe Mutombo. After his stint with the Nets he bounced to four teams in four years. The once-feared long tom artist is now a scout for the Nets.

8. Neal Walk (1969) – Phoenix
1969 Top Pick: Lew Alcindor – Milwaukee


After the Bucks selected Alcindor, Walk went to the recently-founded Suns. For you basketball dumbasses, Alcindor will become the biggest name in the business when he changes his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Meanwhile, Walk was more of a backup rather than a superstar to teammates. Walk played for the Suns for five years before moving to New Orleans and New York… two years later the Suns will win their first and only NBA championship. After his NBA stint, he would play in Italy and Israel. In 1988, a benign tumor in his spine left him confined in a wheelchair. In stark contrast when he was playing with both legs, he was magic when he played for the National Wheelchair Basketball Association. In 1990, then-President George Bush honored Walk at the White House with an “Wheelchair Athlete of the Year” citation. He currently works for the Community Affairs Department of the Phoenix Suns.

7. Sam Bowie (1984) – Portland (from IND)
1984 Top Pick: Hakeem Olajuwon – Houston
1984 3rd Pick: Michael Jordan – Chicago

I am not like those players out to blame Bowie for being the filling of this superstar sandwich! Like what the critics said, if the Blazers have already Drexler and Jim Paxson (John’s older and more better brother), then an untested Jordan would be the odd man out. With that said, Bowie was good for 10 points and 7 rebounds in his 12-year career. The only problem that surfaced clearly was his inability to stay healthy. In Portland he was merely an “on-bench” guy because he can’t play. When he was traded to New Jersey (for Buck Williams) he eventually had spurts but he was clearly a role player for guys like Derrick Coleman and Kenny Anderson. He played his last years as a Laker, where he again suffered the same fate he had when he was in Portland. In the 2005 Sports Illustrated article entitled “20 Biggest Draft Busts”, he was number one on the list. Even if people forget that he was the guy before Jordan, in that fateful 1984 Draft, he was also the guy above Charles Barkley, Sam Perkins, Kevin Willis, Alvin Robertson, and John Stockton. There was nothing he can do to save his image.

6. Shawn Bradley (1993) – Philadelphia
1993 Top Pick: Chris Webber – Golden State (from Orlando)

Dammit, this guy was on SPACE JAM! HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD! Does this mean that the oddball alien that got his skills either sucked more or actually made his skill-set work!?! OH MY GHULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Ehem.

The 7’6 German-American was a highly-anticipated prospect from Brigham Young University which was the same school that produced current Boston GM Danny Ainge. Bradley is a mormon and for years of playing he garnered such monikers like The Stormin’ Mormon, The Deathstick, Missionary Impossible, Mormon Mantis, and the Praying Mantis. Anyway, he has size and defensive assertiveness to land him a Number 2 spot in the 1993 Draft. Poor Philly, the highly-anticipated recruit was nothing more than a beanpole that could easily be banged. Despite the fact he was an amazing blocker; coaches find his lack of aggressive nature intolerable. He found himself routed to New Jersey and then to Dallas, where he found himself being a starter and then dwindling into a underused backup. Just like guys with gigantism, his buckling knees were enough to hand him his retirement in 2005. He also teamed up with Dirk Nowitzki in the German National Team that finished fourth place in the 2001 EuroBasket tourney which was held in Turkey.

5. Stromile Swift (2000) – Vancouver
2000 Top Pick: Kenyon Martin – New Jersey

In their draft class, the best player is Michael Redd, an unheralded player picked 43rd by the Milwaukee Bucks. This “unheralded” player is an all-star and part of the world famous “Redeem Team” of the Beijing Olympics. Swift on the other hand, is a forever project. A project that had a potential to bloom but unfortunately couldn’t. The expectations were high when he was picked up by the Grizzles (which eventually moved to Memphis) but he couldn’t raise his game up. He is now playing for the Suns who is in need of a “backup” center. In hindsight, this is in a way, fortunate for the former LSU star because most of his 2000 Draft batch mates have either died, retired, or playing outside the States where a call-up shouldn’t be expected from now ‘til eternity.

4. Steve Stipanovich (1983) – Indiana
1983 Top Pick: Ralph Sampson – Houston

One would wonder: Who on earth!?! A product of the University of Missouri, “Stipo” led his team to 100 wins in a span of four years. Basically he’s like the classic “old school” big man in the likes of George Mikan and those other 50’s ballers but with a modern flavor. When he was picked up by Indiana, the Pacers passed on swingmen like Byron Scott, Dale Ellis, Jeff Malone, Derrick Harper, big man Antoine Carr and Thurl Bailey and most importantly, 14th pick overall Clyde Drexler. Even if they got Sampson, they’ll suffer the same fate since both men had to end their careers early because of their overabundance of injuries.

3. Marvin Barnes (1974) – Philadelphia
1974 Top Pick: Bill Walton – Portland


Back in his day, the NBA found itself competing with the ABA. Despite getting picked second overall, Barnes chose to sign a contract with the ABA’s Spirits of St. Louis. His monikers include Bad News, Marvelous, and Tire Iron. Why Tire Iron? He threatened a teammate by attempting to swing it to his face. Again, drugs and his volatile behavior drove him to basketball hell. When the ABA folded, he bounced on to four teams where his career eventually tanked. Philly could have loved it more if they nabbed Walton instead of this guy.

2. Jay Williams (2002) – Chicago
2002 Top Pick: Yao Ming – Houston


When Houston chose Chairman Yao, Williams was said to be the “next best thing”. After a great playmaking career in Duke, the Bulls sought for his services ahead of Caron Butler and former teammate Carlos Boozer. The results were kind of good… Williams struggled in his scoring but showed clear skills to lead the Bulls as its chief playmaker. However, just like Duke alum Bobby Hurley, Williams suffered a car accident which pretty much finished his hoop career. After a failed comeback, the prep guard is now doing announcing chores in ESPN’s college b-ball games. His injury paved the way for the Bulls drafting Kirk Hinrich in the following draft.

1. Len Bias (1986) – Boston
1986 Top Pick: Brad Daugherty – Cleveland

Less than 48 hours after getting drafted, Bias died due to cocaine overdose. He could have been the vital cog in strengthening Boston’s aging frontline. Had he gone on to become one of league’s elite, Paul Pierce could not have possibly worn #34 as his number. After his death, the NBA strictly imposed a more cohesive anti-drug policy. While Daugherty would have not become a big star if he landed with the Celts, at least Boston would have a fresh face to displace their now-often injured vets. Instead, what they had was a championship-less decade that could have been solved if they had Bias.

Then here it is. Looking back Stipanovich had it bad for being outstaged by a dead guy, a career-ending injury, and a druggie. Other players that should have made the list were Danny Ferry (for being the consolation price when San Antonio picked David Robinson in the 1989 Draft), 1976 Chicago pick Scott May (who was an injury stricken player and whose current claim to fame is fathering current Charlotte Bobcats often-injured star Sean May),1979 Chicago pick David Greenwood (whose coin toss of doom sent Chicago to lose to the Lakers for the rights of legendary player Magic Johnson), 1973 Cleveland pick Jim Brewer, and David Meyers, a little-known draft pick by the Lakers whose rights were traded to Milwaukee for the acquisition of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. His sister, Ann, was the only woman to sign a free agent contract by an NBA team (in 1979 she was signed by the Pacers).

So here goes this installment. For comments and ridiculous brain doodling, just fill out the “fontbox” below.

Game Over.

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The Blind Truth


Look at the picture. Behind this saintly image is an evil spawn destined to chop off the sanity your feeble brains thought was incorruptible.

So imagine the obscurity that was summoned when he found out that our UST tambayan was closing temporarily without any notice.

**Disclaimer: The words uttered in this lengthy statement is based solely on his reaction. The Sydrified site is now washing its hands it will vehemently throw its pointing finger on the person involved whose action could or could affect my life as a non-improving gamer.**

READ ON.

The Blind Truth:

Blindmonkey: Tarantado sila! Di man lang nagsasabi! Tayo ang bumubuhay sa kanila! Tangina! Paksyet! Pera lang ng magulang nila ginagamit nila noh!

The Sydman: Galit ka?

^ Stupid question.

Blindmonkey: Oo! Paksyet! Kupal! Walang utang na loob!

The Sydman: Maa-awa ka ba sa mga pulubing yun?

Blindmonkey: Hindi! Duduraan ko sila! Tapos pag lasing ako iihian ko sila! Pag nagkita kami sa daan di ko papansinin ang mga yun! Kunyari para akong starlet na nagsisimula pa lang... isnabero.

The Sydman: Your so kupal pare.

Blindmonkey: Ilagay mo to sa Sydrified! Paksyet sila! Di man lang sinabi habang nagpi-pizza tayo! Anong klaseng relasyon ito sa pagitan ng may-ari at ng mga suki niya!?!

The Sydman: Wala naman sila dun e. Si ****** yun diba? Ay oo, kakampi pala kita! IBAGSAK!!!

Blindmonkey: Oo, kahit na alam naman na nila na ipasasara e baket di man lang tayo inadvise-an!

The Sydman: Dahil ba pinupuyat natin sila? Sabado lang yun at special occasions!


Blindmonkey: Tangna, yun ang consequence ng business nila! Kung matino ba silang…

EDITED! TOO BAD TO WRITE! EDITED! TOO BAD TO WRITE! EDITED! TOO BAD TO WRITE!

Blindmonkey: Mukhang timang kaya yun!

Words taken out due to morbid angst.

Blindmonkey: Tsaka di ba sila natutuwa na malakas ang negosyo nila? BOBO! Ampepe!

The Sydman: Pare hulos dili ka! Personal na ang ruta ng tinatahak mo!

Blindmonkey: Eh mali kasi ang kanilang pinaggagagawa eh!

The Sydman: Di ko pwede isulat yan dahil may family code unawesomeness sa mga binibitawan mong salita!

Blindmonkey: I-edit mo na lang! Kung hindi na sila nahiya sa akin, kahit kay Brain o kay Kots na lang!

By this time you are seeing the pictures of Kots...



and Brain.


Then this is Pototoy.


Wala lang. I just had to put it in.

The Sydman: Ugh… si Kots nang-aaway na. Si Brain pinapa-amoy Zonrox na ang pwesto niya.

Cause: too much porno.

Blindmonkey: Tsk! Mga walang modo! Mga tae nila burgundy!

The Sydman: Sino si Kots at si Brain?

Blindmonkey: Yung mga may-ari tsaka si Ralph. Si Kots? Orange kulay sigurado dahil sa mga gamot at supplements! Bakit, si Ralph ba nagsuggest?

The Sydman: Ewan. Di ba may mmorpg pa yun? Saan kaya maglalaro yun? Pero sana pagbalik nila ayusin na nila pc nila! Taena walang net!

Blindmonkey: Baka dahil pina-terminate na yung subscription nila! Hindi natin naisip yun!

The Sydman: Di kaya wala ng trabaho ang mga yun?

Blindmonkey: Pake ko sa kanila! Mas enjoy akong kamutin itlog ko kaysa isipin ang mga trabaho nila!

Eww.

Blindmonkey: Tataas na naman rating ng blog mo dahil sa akin!

That remains to be seen. In the meantime, let’s wrap this thing up!

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2009 PBA FIESTA CUP TOP 25 (FEB 28 - MAR 12)


First seen on www.hoops.blink.ph.

I tried putting this on www.pbfantasy.com but apparently, I CAN’T WRITE ON THE SITE! So for the sake of adding some diversity on my website, I shall add some non-Office Bromance topics on the site to hopefully expand it to those “alienated” new browsers.

Anyway, Macmac Cardona was my preferred top player of the Philippine Cup.

Why?

In case you didn’t hear the boos… in case you didn’t see the finals of the Philippine Cup and in case you still don’t hear the boos he encounters EVERY freaking time he touches the ball in the 2009 FIESTA CUP, NO ONE was more instrumental, controversial, and sensational than what Cardona did for his franchise and for the league.

(As much as I want Willie Miller to own another MVP title, the Philippine Cup semis and finals proved to be a ratings grabber because Captain Hook gave his all on and off the court. The PBA got it wrong with naming Miller as the BPC.)

However, new conference… means new adventures. Unfortunately, Cardona is nowhere near MVP levels in this conference. Actually, the entry of imports has made a lot of players crap in the sidelines and basically bench warm.


NOW ON WITH THE SHOW!


The Rules: In this conference, there is one entry that would change my Power Rankings. Sure, you know that it is an addition of the five main stat categories (PTS + REBS + AST + STL + BLK). But the point system is based upon the PBFANTASY’S point system (see http://www.pbfantasy.com/). Also we have to factor how these players play their minutes effectively.

And now…

The TURNOVERS play an important role.



GAME STARTS NOW!

THE FIRST PART: OUTSIDE LOOKING IN
THE BENEFITS: A no-explanation enumeration of the players that could have performed better to see a bunch of words across their names.

40 PAUL ARTADI (GINEBRA)

39 MACMAC CARDONA (TNT)

38 BEAU BELGA (BURGER KING)

37 PAOLO HUBALDE (BARAKO BULL)

36 OLSEN RACELA (SMB)

35 JR QUINAHAN (BURGER KING)

34 RYAN ARANA (RAIN OR SHINE)

33 ROGER YAP (PUREFOODS)

32 JOSEPH YEO (STA. LUCIA)

31 GARY DAVID (BURGER KING)

30 DENOK MIRANDA (STA. LUCIA)

29 GABBY ESPINAS (BARAKO BULL)

28 JEFF CHAN (BARAKO BULL)

27 ROB WAINWRIGHT (RAIN OR SHINE)

26 JASON CASTRO (TNT)



THE SECOND PART: PACKED IN THE MIDDLE
THE BENEFITS:
Measly statements telling people why they ended up in this predicament.

25 RONJAY BUENAFE (COCA-COLA): After a weak Philippine Cup, Buenafe is off to a hot start. His 16.8ppg ranks first in the Tigers’ local scoring department.

24 DORIAN PENA (SMB): The guy barely makes 20 minutes a night but the Big Dawg could still own the league’s bigs with his 12.5ppg and 7.5rpg per night.

23 JAY WASHINGTON (SMB): This spot should be vacated next week when J-Wash continues to trade his uniform for flip-flops because of an injury.

22 WESLEY GONZALES (SMB): SMB’s injury-plagued lineup has its own pros and cons. For Wesley, playing more and getting 10.8ppg and 7.5rpg is a bar none upside.

21 JOE DEVANCE (ALASKA): While he doesn’t enjoy the slashed minutes he has right now, the biggest consolation he has is the fact that he is seriously getting the goods.

20 WILLIE MILLER (ALASKA): After a crappy import, the Thriller should be pleased now that Rosell Ellis is taking away the double teams thrown at him. This should improve his stats in a big way.

19 ENRICO VILLANUEVA (PUREFOODS): In their last few games, he has been delivering the goods missed by their “other” offensive providers.

18 JAY-R REYES (RAIN OR SHINE): As the Painters’ chief muscle inside the “paint”, the ex-UP Maroon is getting mauled day in and day out… but his 13.7ppg and 8.3rpg is saying otherwise.

17 LA TENORIO (ALASKA): Yes, the coming of age of LA Tenorio’s game has begun. Add the fact that he is the only point guard in the team that Tim Cone trusts, those heavy minutes should produce more big time stats.

16 DONDON HONTIVEROS (SMB): I guess Hontiveros is saving his best for the playoffs. Still, his numbers are nowhere near “patsy” levels. His all around game and leadership is keeping the injury-plagued Beermen afloat.

15 DON ALLADO (PUREFOODS): For those who taught Don Allado’s game will sink once he joins the big man-infected Giant squad… you’re kinda right. Brian Hamilton’s streak of off-nights is making Allado stints possible (yes B-Ham had one good game… one… good… game) but once Purefoods skids out of the standings, Allado is an explosive scoring import away from bench-warming hell (someone will definitely join Rich Alvarez and Richard Yee).

14 JAMES YAP (PUREFOODS): In his first game, Big Game torched the hoop for 33 points. And then B-Ham’s inability to become an offensive threat crushed Yap’s invulnerability. Although he rebounded from that pitiful third game… his 3 points wasn’t a pretty sight for all the people that picked him up in their rosters.

13 WYNNE ARBOLEDA (BURGER KING): Okay… I see eyebrows rising. Hear me out. Arboleda is averaging 7.3ppg, 4.5rpg, 5.5apg, and 1spg. Yes, I know that’s nothing special. But fathom the fact that he only averages 20.5 minutes per night? Wonder if Yeng Guiao would use him more often? I guess that could happen now since he has regained the reality that he is the boss’ son-in-law.

12 SUNDAY SALVACION (GINEBRA): Jump in glee Ginebra fans! Uhurm. Okay, just like Wesley Gonzales, Salvacion’s name came into picture when Mark Caguioa, Junthy Valenzuela, and the rest of the BGK crew are suffering from injuries. While I would have wanted for the Kings to get Allado from that 3-way deal, Salvacion is getting the spoils from all of the Rod Nealy and Jayjay Helterbrand double-teaming.

11 TONY dela CRUZ (ALASKA): This season has been a great confidence builder for the ex-Turbo Charger. Since his entry from Shell, Alaska has been nothing but mean to the once double-double churning forward. Now comfortable in the system, TDC is getting major minutes from Cone.



THE LAST PART: THE TOP TEN



10 KERBY RAYMUNDO (PUREFOODS): I wonder how long it took for Kerby to snatch Jondan Salvador’s number? With all the big men in their lineup, I am seriously thinking that this is Salvador’s last PBA stint as a Giant. Anywho, sure Raymundo’s numbers are great and he should be a few notches higher. HOWEVER he leads all locals in turnovers with 5 per game. Sure, Tiras Wade and Rod Nealy own more, but they usually touch the ball every time their team draws possession. For a guy like Raymundo to average more TO’s than James Yap… this needs to change.

9 MARLOU AQUINO (STA. LUCIA): I have a friend named Chrisangelo who could be tuning in at every freaking SLR game because he couldn’t believe that this lanky underachieving, waste of salary cap space giant is turning out to be an awesome shock this conference. Sure, Dennis Espino would probably displace him any moment now but his league-leading 3.3bpg is certainly a welcome surprise.

8 JAYJAY HELTERBRAND (GINEBRA): Helter has yet to wield his offensive awesomeness in the opening stages of the Fiesta Cup. You could say that with Rod Nealy getting clamps from all sides of the court, now is the time for Jayjay to explode. Until that day comes, you’ll pretty much see the Kings struggling past the .500 mark. However, the return of his assist league-leading ways is a good sign for the “other” Bandanna Brother. Sheesh… if only Mark Caguioa is playing right now…

7 JONAS VILLANUEVA (SMB): Just when you think the first Fiesta Cup Player of the Week’s 15 minutes are up… he finds ways to make you think otherwise. Performing like a dog in heat is nothing new for Jonas… in his UAAP days. Even then we falls behind to guys like Tenorio, Tang, and others in terms of popularity. Here in the PBA, he stuck around a team filled with stars for an opportunity to shine. With 15.8ppg, 5.3rpg, 4.5apg and 1spg in almost 30 minutes a game… now is the moment he has been yearning upon.

6 JIMMY ALAPAG (TNT): Unlike his teammates, the Mighty Mouse remains unfazed of the dangerous “championship syndrome”. This attacks teams that just won the championship, making them do their usual games a couple of steps below their normal levels. Perhaps this was the reason why TNT is in the deep end of the standings. However Alapag is doing his best to keep his team at bay with him registering great numbers. Until Cardona, Ranidel de Ocampo, Ali Peek, Harvey Carey, and Jared Dillinger edges out their respective slumps, Alapag is tasked to carry an unenviable chore to creep up wins for their squad.

5 ASI TAULAVA (COCA-COLA): Until this day, the Tigers seems to lack the respect that was handed out to the other teams even if they have this big-time mammoth in their arsenal. Why? The coaching chaos and a ragtag collection of unwanted veterans and introverted youngsters are the factors keeping this team from ever regaining their once-populous fanbase. So the only solution here is to win games, which Asi is trying hard to attain day in and day out. His 12.5rpg leads all locals in terms of rebounds.

4 GABE NORWOOD (RAIN OR SHINE): Punishing his opponents with his all-around play, Norwood’s ability to play all positions makes him extremely valuable for the Painters’ first crack for a plum. Unlike his partner Solomon Mercado, the fire in his game has yet to go off to unruly proportions (although how could we forget the quarterfinal match up they had against the Realtors where their errant behavior cost the team a chance for the title). In 3 games so far, his 14.3ppg, 9.3rpg, 3.3apg, and 1.7spg makes him a very prized entity for Rain or Shine.

3 ALEX CABAGNOT (COCA-COLA): Here’s another shocker that should make people jump at their seats. But then again, maybe you know what I’m talking about. Just like Tenorio, Cabagnot is a point guard that gets a lot of playing time in his roster. However, Kenneth Duremdes seems to overact in this department by giving him 40 minutes per game. Sure, Duremdes has a lot of point guards that could share his minutes (Kelani Ferreria was recently added to their lineup), but check out his stats: he gives out 16.3ppg, 4.8rpg, 6.0apg, and 1.8spg. But what’s great about him is that he rarely commits any turnovers… something that makes him superbly important to their cause.

2 KELLY WILLIAMS (STA. LUCIA): Machine Gun Kelly’s numbers dipped after a weak showing at the hands of the Kings, limiting his numbers to a dud 3 points and 7-rebound effort. However, his mere presence brings fear to SLR’s enemies, making him the uncrowned second import of the franchise. And just like a snap of a finger, he quickly overcame a crappy game to produce a 21-point, 13-rebound explosion against the Boosters. If he could just contain his bad games to a respectable output then Williams should be a great catch for all PBFANATICS out there.

1 ARWIND SANTOS (BURGER KING): Ranking numero in the rankings is… the SPIDERMAN! For some insane reason, playing in Yeng Guiao’s tutelage is making Santos to go out and play more. With Guiao’s dreaded play hard or think hard… in the far side of the bench (recently received by Shawn Daniels), Santos is claiming boards, blocking shots, and dumping deuces in superb fashion! Currently Santos is leading the Titans in points with 19.3ppg, ranks second behind Daniels in rebounds (9.0rpg), has 1.5apg, 0.8spg, and owns 1.5bpg. The sad thing though is that they are currently in the middle of the pack after an erratic start. Knowing Guiao’s habit to shake up his personnel after they fail to bring in the W’s, Santos’ rank-leading ways are in serious jeopardy.

The Power Rankings should return in about two weeks. Why? Ummm… I think work will bum me out before I get my usual write-ups to even get a title!

Yes, that is the biggest reason why I am barely visible in the webpage. Yes it sucks… but I think I have to earn money to have money to spend on.

Yeah… basically that’s it.

So… until my next installment… GAME OVER!

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TITS AND ASS: THE BAD VERSION



Case in point… last March 11, 2009, I received two contrasting emails. One was a .doc file while the other was a notepad file. Different files… but the excerpts are similar.

I think both are eager to ask me who is OWNING who in this conversation.

Acting as one, let us journey the lines and statements uttered in this never-ending battle for primeval supremacy.

First of all, here are my Top Ten Francis Magalona songs of all time.

TAYO’Y MGA PINOY
MGA PRANING
MAHIWAGANG KAMOTE
BALIKTAD ANG MUNDO
BAW WAW WAW
FRIENDS
GOTTA LET YOU KNOW
ITO ANG GUSTO KO
THREE STARS AND THE SUN
WAG KANG TUMAWA
1-800-NINETY-SIX
HANGGANG NGAYON (From the 1896 album where he rapped in the middle part)
BAHAY YUGYUGAN
WHOLE LOTTA LOVIN’
COLD SUMMER NIGHTS
MERON AKONG ANO
KABATAAN PARA SA KINABUKASAN
SUPERPROXY
GIRL BE MINE
MGA KABABAYAN
KALEIDOSCOPE WORLD

You might think that I’m dumb because I can’t count to ten… but the fact is, It’s kinda hard to discount the fact that the Master Rapper was awesome in all the songs he did. I am guessing I’ll be searching for a compilation album bearing these songs in a year or so.

FM… may you rap in peace in heaven forever.

Anyway after the long-awaited FM tribute…

I have been working. Like shit. My ass has not yet played a single “Soul Arena” for almost a week now. Luckily I am trying to re-learn all the slacking I have been doing but the last week was a mess.

Fortunately my YM was quiet most of the time. I still encounter shits like these…

williamsuperpogi: Anong gagawin mo pag tinubuan ka ng tite sa kilikili mo?

The Sydman: Ewan ko.

williamsuperpogi: Ok.

Seriously this guy needs to have his brain cells… or his to sharpen his dick skills stat! Anyway, like I said, things are usually quiet.

But just because work is eating my life off, this does not mean that chaos has ended its wrathful ways.

Case in point… last March 11, 2009, I received two contrasting emails. One was a .doc file while the other was a notepad file. Different files… but the excerpts are similar.

I think both are eager to ask me who is OWNING who in this conversation.

Acting as one, let us journey the lines and statements uttered in this never-ending battle for primeval supremacy.

I’m pretty much going to commentate on this one.

Jorge Cosgayon: Dude. What the fuck? Ano problema mo kay Nicholas Sparks?

mark villasin: HE WASTED MY TEARS!!! HE MUST DIE!!!


I don’t know who Nicholas Sparks is but I guess he’s some guy in a boy band Mark is drooling upon. Before I read his profile in Wikipedia, I think he just announced to the world that he is gay and Mark is about to rip all of his poster wearing just a ribbon and a tumbler.

I consider this as his George Michael fantasy phase…

Jorge Cosgayon: Dude naman. How can you say that "Every step I took from the moment I could walk was a step towards finding you"?

Jorge is defending Sparks. For some pin-up homosexual boy band member, this Sparks guy has a lot of followers.

mark villasin: DO YOU KNOW HOW PRECIOUS A COMMODITY MAN TEARS ARE??? HE MADE ME WASTE MAN TEARS!! HE WILL FIND A BLUNT OBJECT STABBED THRU HIS FOREHEAD!!

Jorge Cosgayon: Dude mali assumption mo because you are not a man.

*Printscreen*

By the way, I now know who this Sparks guy is and I must retract all of my previous statements. For the guy, whose big screen adaptations of his stories made a lot of women crying to every man’s shoulders… how can you NOT revere this guy?

I am eager to see True Believer and At First Sight when it hits the cinemas because I didn’t have a girlfriend when The Notebook, Message in a Bottle, and Nights of Rodanthe played in the big screen.

But I saw A Walk to Remember… via a pirated DVD copy… watching it with my parents…

Fuck.

mark villasin: YOU ARE AN ASS SO THEREFORE IT IS SAFE FOR YOU TO ASSUME!!!

Jorge Cosgayon: LOL. Tagal kong di na gets yun ha. Ganon ka korni ang hirit na yon. Even I found it non-funny.

mark villasin: GANUN DIN KABAGAL ANG PROCESSING NG ASS BRAIN MO BECAUSE I FIND YOU AS AN ASS!!!

*printscreen*

Jorge Cosgayon: Dude you find asses everywhere coz you're not a man.

*printscreen*

Damn it! I’m like a table tennis umpire!

mark villasin: THE POINT IS YOUR AN ASS!

Jorge Cosgayon: And you're gay… gay… gay… GAY… GAY!!! MAS BADING KA PA KAY DITTY!!!


Hmmm… I wonder how fast could Ditty swim to Capiz to extract pain and suffering to Jorge?

mark villasin: OMG A TALKING ASS! STOP TALKING ASS!!! ASSES FART AND DON'T TALK SO STOP FARTING!!!

Jorge Cosgayon: And you're the one talking to an ass! I'm a miracle! You're a moron!


Jorge admits he’s an ass? Jorge is leading here.

mark villasin: NO. YOU’RE… JUST… AN… ASS!!!

Jorge Cosgayon: I am an “ass miracle”!

mark villasin: WHICH MAKES YOU AN ASS!!!

Jorge Cosgayon: Dammit Mark, stop fantasizing about me!!!


*printscreen*

Seriously JORGE is OWNING MARK!!!

Jorge Cosgayon: I get enough of that from Syd!

And he could have won IF HE DIDN’T MENTION MY NAME!!!

mark villasin: BIG DIFF ASS!

Jorge Cosgayon: O ano? Wala maisip? I win!!!


mark villasin: YOU ARE STILL AN ASS!

Jorge Cosgayon: You still looooo-hoooooose, looooo-hoooooserrrr!!!

Jorge channelling Pauly Shore is golden.

mark villasin: FIRST I’M GAY NOW A LOSER? WOW…

Mark admits he’s gay and a loser? Don’t worry. I’ll still be your friend.

mark villasin: AT LEAST YOU’RE STILL AN ASS!

Jorge Cosgayon: Gays ARE losers! You are a subclass of gays!


Err… I won’t agree in this statement because I work in the entertainment industry where gays work inside offices and huge cubicles while the men are lucky to not work as set designers (taga-pinta ng set), messengers, propsmen, and technical assistants (taga-buhat ng mga gamit during location shoots).

Admit it people, you’ll respect Jorge even more if people call him “Mudrah” where he wears a black fat girl blouse and super-stretchable leggings, tells people to call him “Madam Reynang Diyosa” and tries to put streaks in his hair and curls it a la Barbra Streisand!

But sorry Mark, if you’re gay then I shall probably see you as the dirty beautician in the kanto wearing bakya and pink sando and pehpeh shorts who is telling people gossips about his neighbour and frequently gets huthutized by kanto boys, lasenggos, durugistas, and macho dancers.

Did I tell you I said sorry?

mark villasin: DID I MENTION THAT DOES NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU’RE AN ASS? YOU HAVE GAY ON YOUR SURNAME, ASS! WHAT DOES THAT MAKE YOU?

Jorge Cosgayon: OMG. That's it. Kaya ka galit kay Nicholas Sparks! You’re a homophobic gay loser!

mark villasin: ASS!

Jorge Cosgayon: Tama na nga yan! Napapansin na akong giggle ng giggle dito! Baka pagalitan nako ng pari!

mark villasin: I HOPE YOU GET SPANKED!

Jorge Cosgayon: Baket? Fantasy mo?


*printscreen*

Analysis: Despite the odds that should go in favor of Mark because Jorge is a turd, Cosgayon rules because being an ass has been part of his repertoire since the time he spoke. As a consolation to Mark, here’s a pic of someone gayer than you.

Observe the smirk on the guy in the middle. Now imagine your “still inside the closet because he should be respected” professor.

Yeah… see what I mean?

Until my next instalment, SURF PORN!

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According to William


My words can’t do justice to this.

williamsuperpogi: May bulbol ba na tumutubo sa gitna ng noo?

The Sydman: Ano?

williamsuperpogi: Ewan ko. Alis nako. Sige baboo!


???

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Post # 46

Work was making my life a tad crappier. Other events in life didn’t help. The thing that I started is turning against me.

Read on.

Chai: Psst! OI!

The Sydman: BUSY!

Chai: Nag-away daw kayo ng GF mo kaya liipat ka?

The Sydman: Ha?

Chai: Aalis ka na daw sabi ni Jorge!

One fateful move was all it took for “this” to happen. Also… that idiot is such a loudmouth.

The Sydman: Tanginang tsismoso. Ewan nag-iisip pa. Pero may kaharap na akong two weeks notice.

Chai: Galit ka? Bakit?

The Sydman: Basta.

Chai: Minsan na lang makakausap, galit pa…

Then she hands out a coffee emoticon. I don’t know how she made it. Anywho, my problems are messing up my head.

Chai: Yan.

The Sydman: Sus!

Chai: Meron ka ba??? Ano ba yan! Ang sungit mo naman!

The Sydman: OO! SAYA NO? Pag di kasali pwede wag dumamay! Pakisabi kay Jorge “ang choo-choo” niya!

Chai: Question… nothing personal… you have an online blog. You talk about yourself and other people in it. And you don’t expect them to talk about u??? Get pissed if they do?? Why promote “it”???


The “it” she was talking about is my blog. Three years when I first started this, I thought it was fun. I still think its fun… but often it breaks the realm of privacy and “for public viewing”. As much as I tried to not field the topics I think are “too personal” for my liking, you never thought you’ll create monsters from your masterpieces.

The Sydman: Di pa ako ready. Just stay out of the way.

Like I said, I guess fairy tales are made for wimps. I don’t know why I bragged that everything is good, because I am eating it as we speak. Sure, I won’t say that I will not cherish those happy memories, and part of me cringe when I don’t say to myself that I want “this” to “work” out.

I had something good once and I thought it wouldn’t get sour. The cycle repeated anew.

“Work” has its ups… but they mostly have “downs”.

Minutes before the actual conversation started…

Jorge: Two words: PLAY ALONG!

The Sydman: Ha?

Work was seriously killing me. I love the fact that I could tinker with my imagination – which is why despite the long hours, unpredicatable clientele, and worthless peons squirming around my back… asking me if I get paid for copy-pasting conversations of my friends and creating tolerable lead-ins for the stories that were touched, I don’t regret my profession even if I have resorted to yearn for every payday, rice subsidy, medical reimbursements, cash dividends, and 17-month pays that come into play.

At lunchtime a job order came to me asking me if I could do a text promo about some daytime soap where dancers crudely act as jungle dwellers whose plot vaguely resembles “Taong Gubat, pamangkin ni Barok”.

The fact that people are looking closely at the things that I write on the monitor and “inputting” their ideas before the script has even finished seriously pisses me.

I bet you’re disappointed that this thread didn’t appear to be what you hoped?

Jorge: Two words: PLAY ALONG!

The Sydman: Kanino? Teka nagu-usap ba kayo ni Chai?

Jorge: Uu! Shhhh!


The Sydman: Ok.

Jorge: Play along. Tagal ko ng di nagago si Chai e!

The Sydman: O sige. Pero I’m also working pare.

Jorge: That works too. Kunyari galit ka.

Hours after the conversation.

Jorge: PRICELESS!

The Sydman: She's pissed!


Jorge: I feel kinda guilty. Kinda lang. Ang drama mo!

The Sydman: Yun yung peg ko kanina eh. Medyo pinasama pala kita pero it was more of chismoso ka kasi eh.

Jorge: Oo nga. Nag-YM siya na galit ka daw saken. Wala lang. GOLDEN! Solb na ako!

Before I end this, here are the last nine seasons of Daisy Siete.

Season 21: Tarzariray ang Amazonang Kikay
Season 20: Tinderella
Season 19: Vaklushi
Season 18: Prince Charming and the Seven Maids
Season 17: Uling-ling
Season 16: Tabachingching
Season 15: Isla Chikita
Season 14: Siete-Siete Mano-Mano
Season 13: Moshi Moshi, Chikiyaki


I don’t know if there are any sane persons that post episodes of these things on You Tube. But until the next installment… SURF PORN!

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Driving with Janis and Dulay

Here’s an ode to all lady drivers.

I am not sexist. However this clip was uploaded because of this instance perpetrated by this person.

video

One night, when I was headed to my “tambayan”, some deranged lunatic went berserk and tried to maim me. However, my nonchalant reaction made the hitman (or hitwoman to be politically correct) reek in despair.

So this left the driver with no other alternative but to extract further pain by bringing it up online.

Janis Selphie: Ako nga pala yung bumusina sayo kahapon. Yung mukhang naihi ka sa kalye.

I was listening to my PSP music. There is no way I would hear the car unless it was skidding.

And I did NOT wet my pants!

The Sydman: Ahhh gets. Yung muntik ng mabangga yung bato?

Janis Selphie: Oo sadya yun.

The Sydman: Anung sadya? Dikit kaya! konti na lang taob ka! Parang “uy, ang panget mag-park... lady driver…”

Janis Selphie: Malayo pa yun!

The Sydman: Hindi nga!

Janis Selphie: ULULl! Naihi ka nga sa pantalon mo eh!

The Sydman: Yun kaya yung iniwasan ko… IKAW AT YUNG BATO!

Janis Selphie: Ni hindi ka man lang pumalag! Kung ibang tao yun?!

Kung ibang tao yun, then that would have been uncool.

Janis Selphie: Sori na!

The Sydman: SORI MO MUKHA MO!

Janis Selphie: Mukha ka lang namang tanga kahapon eh! Atsaka si Mark lang nakakita non! Pag-pray mo na lang na hindi nya pagkakalat!

Well I kinda posted it so that wouldn’t have made any sense.

But this would.

The Sydman: Eto pagkalat mo: si Cindy nagalit sakin nung Sabado.

Recently I brought Cindy to the “watering hole”. Cindy’s PREFERRED VALENTINE GIFT was to see my “sanctuary” where Wednesdays and Saturdays of my life was wastefully spent. On contrary to persistent rumors…

… Hindi ko siya dinala doon dahil nagtitipid ako.

Ask her!

Janis Selphie: Baket? Kasi nagdodota tayo lahat?!?

The first thing she noticed about the place was it’s not “homey” if you are a woman. Imagine a grown man playing with his mouse… giggling in glee.

Ewww…

Good thing Brain didn’t go to his usual porn-seeking habits…

The Sydman: Ang una niyang sinabi pagsakay sa taxi "Hindi naman hawig ni Will DeVaughn yung friend niyo e!"

She was talking about this:



Not matching with this:



I guess noong sinabi ko na hawig ni Dulay ang ulo ni Will DeVaughn, Cindy’s was actually thinking of his face.

Janis Selphie: Kayo lang naman nagsasabi na kamukha ni Dulay yun eh!

The Sydman: Disappointed siya sobra! Ipagmamalaki daw niya na na-meet and greet niya yung crush ng katulong nila… at may pic pa sila!

Janis Selphie: Tang ina naman e! Ewan ko sa inyo!

For the dozens of persons interested with the lives of me and my friends, a slew of new material will appear in the not-so-distant future. Until then, surf porn!

END.

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