The 2010 Sydrified Presidential Special: The Snapshots version!


Welcome to the 2010 Sydrified Presidential Special of the Get Sydrified: Anything Goes Communication Arts! At this point, we will do a viewpoint-counter viewpoint game with noted blogger, popular Facebook user, and Katy Perry-wannabe, Jorge Cosgayon.

Jorge: Ok lang. Tagal mo na din akong hindi napi-printscreen.

*facepalm*




Welcome to the 2010 Presidential Special! Snapshots was something I did with my friends during the early stages of my blog. I transcribe the things we conserve and pick out the things I think is funny.

The Sydman: Alam mo naman ang 9 presidentiables right? Gagawa ako ng isang comprehensive report at ikaw ang magsu-supply ng outsider’s info!
Jorge: Di na ako ganon ka updated ha!
The Sydman: Oks lang.
Jorge: E wala namang eleksyon e!
The Sydman: Dude those computers will work!


The answers provided in this article are not fabricated. It might look insanely wrong, but all answers are true… in Jorge’s head. It doesn’t matter if this is accurate. We could care less if this is comprehensive. Hell, I don’t even care about the outcome. What matters is that the world would understand Philippine politics through my blog!

Disclaimer: The words expressed in this site don’t mean I want or I don’t want to endorse these candidates.

With that said… GAME ON!


QUESTION 1: Kung sasanib ka sa katawan ng isang kandidato at makikipaglaro ka ng Mortal Kombat sa kanila, kanino ka sasanib at bakit?

Jorge: Hmm… Gibo. Close second si Jamby. Nai-imagine ko dialog ni Jamby! Parang yung kay Les Grossman sa Tropic Thunder! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!!! Alam mo ba kung sino ica-cast ko sa role ni Jamby sa life story nya? Si Stallone pare! Di ba yung jawline tsaka yung baluktot niyang bibig?!


(Translation: Jorge chose Gilbert Teodoro but Jamby Madrigal is a close second because Jamby in a Mortal Kombat game is like having a Sylvester Stallone look-a-like with the mannerisms of Tropic Thunder’s Les Grossman.)


QUESTION 2: Kung isa kang girl at prom day niyo, sino ang first dance mo?

Jorge: Anong klaseng girl ako? Pokpokish? Demure?
The Sydman: Malandi, mahinhin… bahala ka.
Jorge: Hmm. Perlas kasi parang kelangan kong mag-judo chop sa kanya dahil pag nanyansing sya, kaya e.
The Sydman: So siya ang isasayaw mo sa first dance mo??
Jorge: Teka… teka… kulang kasi sa internalization e. Kelangan ko ng character. O sige… malandi na taga-La Salle…


At this point Jorge is letting out the big guns.

Jorge: Si Manny Villar dahil kilala nya si Papi. O diba, kung malandi kang babae na medyo me itsura… Ilagay na natin na taga-DLSU… basta maputi at malandi, sino ba ang man of your dreams nito kung hindi si Willie Revillame!
The Sydman: And for that reason kaya si Villar?
Jorge: Take note, character ko is malandi ha…


(Translation: Jorge at first chose Nicky Perlas because Jorge thought he can defend against Perlas’ naughtiness. But when he understood the question, he chose Manny Villar because if he a slutty, materialistic college girl, he’ll do Papi Willie… who ENDORSES Manny Villar.

Yes, I also found this answer freaky, icky, and odd.)



QUESTION 3: Fill in the blanks: Mandidiri ako pag nakita ko ang cleavage ni ______.

Jorge: Erap. Kasi may cleavage talaga sya eh.


(Translation: Jorge chose Joseph Estrada because he is afraid to look at old, soggy man-tits.)


QUESTION 4: Kung Jejemon ka, sinong iboboto mo?

Jorge: Si Chiz.
The Sydman: Di naman presidentiable si Chiz a.
Jorge: Kaya nga Jejemon eh.


I never realized that this could have been a trick question.

Jorge: Fine. Si Noynoy dahil kay Kris. Pwede din si Jamby though because of her emo hair.

(Translation: Amidst defending Kris Aquino because she’s a socialite, Jorge still chose Noynoy Aquino to get the jeje votes because of his association with his sister. Come to think of it, this is good for Noynoy because he’ll likely claim the “poor” and “illiterate” votes. Jamby is another choice because Jamby sports emo hair. Chiz Escudero, while not in the running, is also a candidate because jejemons are stupid enough to realize that Chiz isn’t even running.)


At this point that it was my turn to answer the questions.


QUESTION 5: Sino sa kanila ang gusto mo makasamang ma-stranded sa elevator?

The Sydman: Hmmm…

This was a tough question.

The Sydman: Ugh...

That honestly rattled my brain.

The Sydman: Jamby?
Jorge: Bakit? Pwede na?
The Sydman: No choice e. Buti nga di presidentiable si Ernesto Maceda o si John Osmena o si Manoling...
Jorge: O si Kit Tatad...


(Translation: There are no correct answers on who would you choice to be with if stranded on an elevator.)


QUESTION 6: Sa kanilang lahat sino ang iimbitahin mo sa loob ng bahay mo for dinner?

The Sydman: Pwede kong sabihin si JC for obvious reasons (hot wife).
Jorge: Siya lang. Walang spouse.
The Sydman: Hmmm... Erap.
Jorge: Di nga? Bakit?
The Sydman: Baka bigyan pa ako ng mga jueteng paraphernalia stuffs. Alam mo bang balak niyang i-legalize ang jueteng? E ikaw?
Jorge: Si JC or Gibo. Pucha sila lang ata ang nasisikmura ko pa.


(Translation: I will invite Joseph Estrada for dinner because deep inside I want to be a jueteng lord (if and when this becomes legal). Jorge would choose to invite JC delos Reyes or Gibo Teodoro because he became serious and thinks these guys are the best bets to run the country.

Too bad they are cellar dwellers in the rankings.)



QUESTION 7: Kunwari ang mga presidentiables ay NBA players. Si Noynoy ay…

Jorge: Si Mike Dunleavy Jr. kasi mahinhin. Hindi superstar material! Si Dick Gordon si Ron Artest. Pikon eh. Pero hindi yung now na Artest. Yung '04 version na Artest.

The version that ran to the crowd and scored punches on a fan.

Jorge: Si Villar gunner. Pwede na si Kobe Bryant. Yung “I'll get mine at all costs” mentality! Basta yung tipong “stat conscious” masyado.
The Sydman: Media baby?
Jorge: Pucha si LeBron James ang media baby kaya!


Actually I’ll put James as Noynoy’s NBA counterpart because of his media baby-ness.

Jorge: Si Erap si Shaquille O’Neal kasi alam mong over the hill na siya pero still talks a good talk and still threatening minsan. Si Gibo si Shane Battier.
The Sydman: Dahil dati siyang defense secretary?
Jorge: Nagka-reputation na matalino, pero not really that great atsaka riding on the reputation na lang… and it's not really that great of a reputation. Si Eddie Villanueva… Brandon Jennings. Magkamukha sila eh.
The Sydman: The hell! Jennings is black!
Jorge: Tingnan mo kaya si Jennings pag naka-smile parang si Brother Eddie! Sige i-aamend ko. Chris Bosh or Joe Johnson or Lamar Odom na lang! May following sila kahit konti… na medyo parang cult following… pero can't really do anything. May nagsasabi pa din na si Odom ang best Laker eh.
The Sydman: Pwedeng Odom nga... pero they’re all still black! Teka... Jamby?
Jorge: Dwight. Si Jamby puro salita at ganun din si Dwight.
The Sydman: DWIGHT HOWARD!?!? NO! PARE I DON’T GET THIS AT ALL!
Jorge: So Dwight may be too much. Kenyon Martin na lang. Talks a big talk pero wala naman nagagawa pag kalaban na yung mga magagaling. Si JC si Rick Fox!
The Sydman: Tae, yung hindi retired!
Jorge: Hmm… sino pa ba ang may hot wife…
The Sydman: Wag si Tony Parker!
Jorge: Si Marko Jaric!
The Sydman: Dude you’re mean! Ni hindi ko nga alam kung nasa NBA pa siya eh!


(Writer’s note: I just found out that Jaric is now playing for Real Madrid in the Euroleague where he got the nod to play elsewhere after Memphis bought out his contract)

Jorge: Kilala mo ba kung sino asawa non?
The Sydman: Sino asawa niya?
Jorge: Adriana Lima, boy! Say what you want but he comes home and screws Adriana Lima!
The Sydman: Ok sige. Pasok na siya. Damn Serb or whatever Yugoslavian country he's from. And finally... Nick Perlas!
Jorge: Hmm di na pwede retired no?
The Sydman: Chucky Brown ba ang iniisip mo? Jarron Collins?
Jorge: Dude naman!
The Sydman: Jason Collins?
Jorge: Not the worst NBA player! Pwede pa Jason ay wait… Kurt Thomas!
The Sydman: Wala na bang more idiotic?
Jorge: Hmm… yung nasa Knicks. Ewan ko kung andun pa. Jerome James? Nandoon pa ba yun?
The Sydman: Kwame Brown?
Jorge: First overall pick yun tsong meaning at some point, he was expected to be great. Eh si Perlas?


When all else failed, a glimmer of hope was felt.

The Sydman: BRIAN SCALABRINE!!!
Jorge: Oo! Pucha! Brilliant! How could I forget the Scal?!?
The Sydman: Dude! Why would you remember??? That's the more appropriate question!


I remember those Boston fans who chant his name whenever he has the ball during the games last one minute and seven seconds where the game has been settled…

(For those keeping count, Noynoy is Dunleavy/LeBron, Villar is Kobe, Gordon is Artest, Jamby is Kenyon, JC is Jaric, Gibo is Battier, Erap is Shaq, Eddie V is Odom, and Perlas is SCALABRINE!)


QUESTION 8: And among these players, who will you pick to become the MVP?

Jorge: Dude this is hard.
The Sydman: Yes I know.


When it is all said and done, Jorge will endorse the candidate that can drive the country to the road to victory…

Jorge: I'd go with JC. Because JC has an insanely hot wife! Isipin mo lang kung naging presidente natin si JC! Pare di ka ba talaga mai-inspire na si dunia ang first lady mo!?! I'd fucking go to war for her.

(Jorge’s choice would be JC delos Reyes because while we know nothing about his platforms… his wife is hot.)


And finally, the last question.


QUESTION 9: Kung nagpunta ka sa isang lugar tapos na-stuck ka sa elevator, kanino ka dapat ma-stuck? Officers ng Gabriela o Ang Ladlad? (Translated: If you get stuck in an elevator would you rather be stuck with Gabriela (a faction of insane feminists) or Ang Ladlad (a faction of homosexuals).

Jorge: Gabriela na lang. Death before dishonor!
The Sydman: Good answer.


The second part of my 2010 Sydrified Presidential Special would look like how I write my mock PBA draft.

So that means that it could be serious.

Or not.

Game over!

2 Awesome Critics:

hoy sabi ko HINDI tga DLSU!

May 6, 2010 at 1:09 AM comment-delete

ganun ba? ikaw kasi jeje ka magsulat e!

:)

May 6, 2010 at 12:30 PM comment-delete

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