Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - The Review

Could have been better... but no. 


(In a span of a month, I was able to watch a bunch of films in an actual cinema. Yes, you just launch your ass to any random mall at a random Saturday night to date your GF. While I never really minded the expensiveness of weekly cinema viewing (especially when it’s 3D), it sucks when you watch crappy movies.

Sure, I’ve been watching a lot of science fiction and fantasy movies. I normally won’t watch those kinds of movies growing up because some abuse the effects and forget about the storytelling but you need these flicks so that you’ll have an extra two hours recreation that is not talking with each other in front of coffee.

I am going to grade the last four movies I have seen: Narnia 3, Little Fockers, Tron, and Gulliver’s Travels.

Will I spoil you once you read my reviews? I should... and I could... but hopefully I won’t.)  


The swash-buckling gang of extraordinary kids are back in Narnia. Well, they brought a new kid to spell out the loss of the two older kids.

I think Narnia discriminates people over the age 18?

Game starts now.

Whatever awesomeness the first two films had was shattered in the third instalment. The gist here is that the two remaining youngsters were sucked by the portrait alongside their snotty little cousin. Yes, one thing I understood about this flick is that the kids are like Menudo, Mickey Mouse Club, All That, and if you’re Pinoy, That’s Entertainment or Goin’ Bulilit (meaning they relieved the old kids and replace them with a new kid).

Anyway, the likeness the film had with Lord of the Rings was exposed more when they sent the kids on a field trip. Just replace “ring” with “king” and yes... shit happens. And don’t blame me if you think there are differences with the two films because in my book, they all look alike (again I was checking out the movie because it was date night). It was also a bit corny, with regards to the dialogues. Inasmuch as I love Simon Pegg, the material he worked with was annoying. The new kid was annoying too but in a good way... at least at the latter part of the film when he was either a dragon or not talking to Simon Pegg’s character.

By the way, what in the holy hell is a Dawn Treader?

The action was forgettable. I saw Narnia 2 and I was at awe with the action those animals dished out. The action in the third version was a bit disappointing, despite the fact that this was their craziest encounter to date. The older male kid had issues with the Prince Caspian fellow and alongside the lone girl adventurer in Narnia; they barely doze in and out of their character. So the male dude has daddy issues and he somewhat managed to keep that problem interesting but what about the other male kid’s inability to handle the White Queen’s fear and the girl’s eagerness to look like her hot sister? It seems as if their reactions are also on cue with the places they enter... sadly, it makes the film more predictable and annoying.

That reminds me, the featured beasts of the various places visited in the movie tried to be either intelligent or funny but they suck in both situations. Also, the seven chiefs or kings or whatever they were called are kind of predictable. The three chiefs lumped together at the near end reminded me that the filmmakers could find the film too long so they stacked the kings in the dining table area. The green ooze looked fine for his role but the light maiden who like a random cameo of an unknown chick.

The green ooze was easily greed and envy and it made me wonder if the world of Narnia is channelling Catholicism. It was revealed in the end part that it does... and I’m happy with this. I hated every show, movie, and people abusing my religion because our religion doesn’t really fight back. It was also clear to me that the white lion is actually a representation of the King of Kings and Liam Neeson’s voice continues to make that character one of the best parts of the movie.

I saw the first two Narnias (perhaps parts of Narnia 1) that’s why I was disappointed on the third movie. I think however that this is a fitting end for the trilogy. It was watchable though but maybe if you don’t like the way the story was structured, you might want to view this on a 3D platform.

Game over.

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